Gimmee

I want money...so I can buy crap, some that I need, some I definately don't but want anyway.

List in random order:

A name necklace...silver of course...preferably my name
27" flat screen for my living room
A new cell phone of the camera variety and a plan that isn't more $ and doesn't suck like they all seem to
A LV purse, possible white or maybe pink or pink and brown
A job that doesn't suck, with cool people
New glasses as I think I am getting headaches due to vision
Healthcare with dental and vision which is impossible to find so I can get said glasses
A vintage strawberry shortcake doll with custard MIB
A new Blythe knock off by Takara
A new and old VW Bug
Big bag of money for anything else I selfishly desire

Yowsers

I wish I had the discipline to write everyday and get back on track. Brief updates:
Disneyland was very fun and giddy and great, save for the so cal fire ashes everywhere and the children they allow in for some god awful reason.

Nashville Pussy last night was the weirdest longest itty bitty venue show I have been to.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre was too icky and scary but in that semi good way you are mostly expecting but pretend you aren't.

Dane Cook is freaking hilarious. His Crab wearing loafers nightmare and his delve into scary KoolAid commercials with Punchy bursting through the wall destroying the house with happy dancing children was gut busting funny. Liked Greg Gulman a lot too.

Fucktard is my new favorite un pc word to use whenever appropriate which is mostly when driving on roads with said fucktards.

It's only a day away

I am so overexcited. 4 hours of work left. I already know I am going to have a hard time sleeping tonight. Might need to take nyquil or actual drink before bed. Need to do laundry, pack...Make sure we have plenty of musical fodder for the ride down. First big roadtrip with the boy. I am bummed Space Mountain is going to be closed. It is one of my favorites but the idea that I will be in Disneyland shortly is just too exciting. Our hotel has a jacuzzi tub for 2 which is almost just as exciting. It is this whole other realm of being a kid again. Disneyland is spotless and everything there is manicured to perfection. I think they hired on the 7 dwarfs and all their woodland creature friends to run around eating trash all day or something. The air smells good no matter what ride you are on. The musty smell on Pirates of the Caribbean as you pass little fireflies in the psuedo swamp is the best.
And the California disney park has alcohol. If I were a lush I'd be very excited but I am only mini excited. It is the perfect blend of being a kid and adding alcohol induced giggliness that is more the point. I think I may be excited.

4 days!

I am so excited that my Disneyland vacation is almost here. And this will be a short week and today was busy and passed fast.
This weekend was fun. Went to a hobby expo antique thing with cool collectibles and weird imports and stuff. Got dad a bday present and myself some import cds. Ran around with the boy a bit...always fun. Drove to Napa with a friend and stayed the night. Had way too much fun with older men. Not like that. Just joking around, learning card games, drinking, eating good food and roasting marshmellows. Sunday the boat ran into a problem which sucked but luckily didn't sink. Hit an unmarked island and tore up the propeller. My friend and I didnt even get to wakeboard or go on the tube before it happened. Sorta a waste of a drive to napa but oh well. And scored a green paisley velvety long jacket Carrie would be jealous of at express for 40% off even though it wasn't supposed to be on sale. Ditzy nice employee made a mistake so they insisted I get it at discount. Who was I to resist. All in all an eventful fun weekend although I didn't get much rest which is sorta the point of a weekend. I'll just have to nap today and take a long soak in my jacuzzi tub when I get to the hotel friday :)

Thank god for something or other

Geez today is dragging so far. I have all these exciting things planned for the weekend but this morning is dragging and my afternoons always drag by. The boy took tomorrow off so I get to run around with him a bit in the morning. Did I mention how perfect he is. 8 months and we are still giddy as can be around each other. Then I am going up to Napa to the lake there with my friend so we can go out on the water and wakeboard and intertube. Last year when I tried wakeboarding I gave up after false hopes of getting out of the water ended each time with me being pulled up and slammed back down face first, ripping off my fingers each time trying to hold the stupid rope thingy. Intertubing was really fun tough...hanging on for dear life with my friend, giggling hysterically til we went over a few waves and were sent flying into the water. YAY I am excited.

Hit me

I really don’t know what the heck to do at work anymore. I am bored as heck. I have a few calls and emails to do throughout the day which takes all of..lets see…30 minutes. I have asked for more work or if there is anything I can do to help out. I have mentioned wanting to be more productive and contribute more like when business was up a little. They have told me they don’t have anything extra for me to do. Then when I am sitting here, clicking back and forth between windows trying to look busy, they come over and ask me what I am working on. After just having the I have nothing to do conversation. WTF? I am so bored of ebay and craigslist and emails and I am slowly losing my sanity and the constant clicking paranoia when they walk by is pathetic. Any advice? Anyone?

Health nuts

Upon my recently discovered love for the gym, I have been taking more and more notice of peoples' physiques as I wander or drive aimlessly. Yesterday being no different, on the way home I noticed a couple walking, in barely there jogger shorts which in most cases no one should wear no matter how fit or young they are. They looked to be mid-late 40s. On closer inspection this pair was in really really good shape, both man and woman were toned and tan and the shorts didn't look that bad, forgive me for saying so. As I drove past, admiring this older couples youthful looking bodies, thinking of the discipline and hard work they must put in to maintaining that, how at that age I can only hope to take that good of care of myself, I noticed they were both smoking. Retards.

Novacaine for the soul

Mondays always leave me in this mental funk. I can't really focus or be creative, although I have been productive with personal business as I have the office to myself. Got my insurance apps sent off to ease my worry, called around about smog prices, figured out some disney vacation details and am working on screwing back the man for my security deposit. Other than that I am hungrily awaiting some gym time this afternoon like a junkie. I don't know how I got addicted so fast but I heart the elliptical machine and big screen tv, so long as no one else disturbs me. On a side not jelly bellies will make you feel very icky if you eat too many which I seem to forget on a daily basis.

I went to see Bobby Slayton this weekend at the Improv. He is one of those "I am not racist, I hate everyone" types which was very interesting to witness as he picked on many people in the audience, some of whom I think were not happy about it. His comment to a large mans wife about getting a handicap placard because she must be crippled after sex was a subject quickly dropped upon menacing looks from said fat man. He was very quick witted, improved a lot which some comedians tend not to do with interaction and the best part was how funny he was with all the un-pc stuff.
Also saw Kill Bill which was disappointing. The anime scene bugged me, the gore was too overdone and there wasn't much dialogue, just extreme fight scenes. Uma battles off 7 or 8 body guards to get to Lucy Liu and then suddenly 100 guys rush in like little agent smiths and neo doesn't back down at all and defeats them all. Wait was I watching Matrix?
So anyway she maims or kills them all. This 30 minute scene seemed very realistic. Or not. I was hoping for more wit such as that in Reservoir Dogs. Oh well. I'll still see the next one.

Bad Karma

So the boy had a game last week and he misjudged a linedrive into outfield. His glove was too low and the ball hit him right below his eye. He has to go in for a CAT and they think his sinus cavity cracked but will heal. There was blood everywhere and I was freaking out in the stands thinking he was knocked out. I ran to get ice for him (mental note to work out more) and his face was swelling like crazy in addition to the blood pouring out of his nose. His teeth and nose are apparently okay but we had Billy Idol tickets on friday and he was so embarrassed to go out with his swollen cheek and black eye. It was pretty bad but in a sick way I found it sorta cute. Also cute was how clingy and insecure he was therefore repeating he loved me about every 1.2 seconds. As far as we know there will be no permanent damage which is good. Worst part was it was a girl who hit the ball.

Mighty Casey falls down

And on a sad but scary coincidental note, 2 players on the boy's softball team dislocated their left shoulder on the same play, on different bases without touching each other. 2 ambulances had to come to the field to get them and 2 grown men could be heard shrieking in the emergency room that night. And yesterday 2 guys in matching slings with matching beers watched the game and made jokes about it on every play.

Grocery shopping is for losers...like me

Everytime I go lately I get mad and frustrated, leading me to believe that I have very little patience and will soon become a hermit living off canned goods and boxed processed foods, or that everyone else besides me who goes grocery shopping is an idiot. I like the latter idea. I stopped by Albertson's last night already tired and crabby as I keep getting headaches due to needing new glasses. It was crowded at 9pm but I quickly ran around and got the few things I needed. I returned to my car to realize I had been blocked in by a huge, oldschool style motorhome, that while it still had the engine running, was not moving. I honked hoping someone inside would realize that I couldn't get out and they needed to move. After about 1.5 minutes a lady got out and scurried around the front of the motorhome. My situation did not look promising. Another minute later and I see her walking a cart over toward my car, apparently that had been obstructing their path, hence the 2-3 minute delay of debating these rednecks must have had to do to discuss the solution. Mine would have been to barrel down and knock the cart outta the way. Anyway, I sat in my car for another minute waiting for something to happen, finally realizing that the lady was standing next to my window waving and motioning at the cart, as if I were the idiot and couldn't figure out what the problem was. Finally after I acknowledged her she got back in the motorhome and they slowly, very slowly, edged forward a little. Not enough for me to back out for another 2 minutes, seeing as their maximum speed is less than half a mile an hour in said vehicle. Needless to say I tore outta their rather angry and pissed at sitting in my car for 5-6 unnecessary minutes when I could have been doing more important things like watching the first 30 minutes of The Bachelor.

I am almost a quarter of a century

As my best friend pointed out last night, we have been friends for 14 yrs. That is more than half of how old we are. Trippy. She also wanted to impress me with her fraction skills by deducting that I only lived in the same vicinity for 1/7 of our friendship. She has a bit too much freetime apparently as living in the vicinity of the boonies is starting to affect her. And she is a philosophy major with no job. Maybe that too.

So I am 24 today. And I have a wish list on amazon for venusapollo@aol.com. Although I am pretty sure that myself and 2-3 of my other personalities are the only people driving the number up on my counter it doesn't hurt to admit I like presents. And seeing as how my number of family and friends are quite small I could use a bit of spoiling.

I feel as if someone should buy me a big present with my 22nd bday inside so I can gain back the last 2 years I have wasted by not progressing much in the terms of career/school. Granted I make more and live alone and have a beautiful place now...at this rate I am going to be 28 or something by the time I finish my degree and thats assuming I take a ton of night classes and go back soon. What is the secret ingredient I am lacking to get my butt in gear. Can someone add that to my amazon wish list? OR better yet send it to me soon!

And we shall call this place Shang-ri-la

Well almost perfect now that I am actually moved in.
I have come to realize that moving is not fun. In fact it very well may be the opposite of fun. I hired movers to handle things, but then found out they won't move tvs or stereos or computers or anything that isnt sealed in a box or furniture. Which left me and my parents, who had driven up from Yosemite to help a little, with a ton of leftover crap that took another 4-5 loads by car/truck.
So on the other down side, yes there was more than one...I lost my check card in the unloading process(2nd time in 3 months(do they make leashes for check cards?) and still do not have a working home phone since Friday when it was supposed to be working. In the 4 times I have moved and set up a phone line, every time SBC has had to come out to fiddle with the inside jacks, even though 7-10 days previously the tennant before me had a working line. Somehow in that vacant period the apartment went rampant and gnawed through the jack wiring to ensure that I pay $160 to the SBC thieves. This time the complex is reimbursing me at least.
On the good side, yes I admit there is one, it is very quiet there concering neighbors and residents. There is a bit of traffic that is semi-loud but I am getting used to it already. It appears there are no children or loud obnoxious partying types anywhere near me. I also have my own washer and dryer, huge closets and air conditioning. There is also basketball courts, a huge swimming pool, jacuzzi and BBQ area and a fitness center. I am very thrilled with the location and feel or "aura" as new agers would call it so far. You could almost say I've moved on up to the east side. Except it is the west side and it isn't a high rise apartment, nor is it located in the sky.

Stamp of approval

I took my main squeeze up to Yosemite to meet the rents last sunday. Went really really well. They adore him. I'm thrilled but I already knew they would anyway. We wandered around the new casino up there and my parents bragged about how they dress up on friday nights and go play the 2 cent machines...they are high rollers.
Anywho as we were leaving to drive back my mom was washing my windows off to clear the windshield of the dead bug remains to make way for all the new ones. She then proceeded to spray main squeeze with windex when his back was turned and go into hysterical giggles. We are not quite sure what overtook her. She also found my first business cards rather amusing too and couldnt talk for a few minutes from laughing so hard. I think she might have drank too much at dinner. Main squeeze was relieved that the pressure was off him to make an impression.

Un-freakin-believable

I stopped by Marshall's on my way home last night in a loss of self-control. Little did I know how much I was going to be punished for my lapse of willpower. I found this suede jacket in a different color from the one I already own and knowing how much my friend adores, it called her to inform her. She asked me to get it for her and considering the low cost I'd be an idiot not to get one too! So I go to stand in line and expect the normal 10 minute wait since its always crowded there with little help. There are 3 people in front of me. One lady takes about 5 minutes to do her return. Next is yuppie lady. Yuppie lady is wearing a skimpy tank top with her fake tits proudly protruding. She has on very short shorts with unfashionable sandals. She looks expensive but upon closer inspection is a wannabe. She dumps out 2 bags and about 10 receipts and tells the clerk she wants to return everything and buy back all but 2 items on a different credit card. Considering her oodles of receipts this takes near 30 minutes!!! Most of the stuff is worth 6 or 7 bucks and most she has taken the tags off and saved them. How freaking shady and ridiculous! She has to put them on a different card? Maybe if she hadn't wasted all that money on tits...I was furious and everytime I went to switch lines they either closed the register or more people came so it seemed safer to stay where I was. I would have left had it not been for telling my friend I'd get her the jacket. So if you ever have a notion to return crap only to buy it again, you better hope you aren't in front of me. I was so tempted to yell at her. And to top it all off when she was done she went looking for more crap. Oh yah, I had to pee really bad which didn't improve my mood.

Last Chance

Sometimes when you have road rage all you need to sooth it away and put a smile on your face is Donna Summer's greatest hits.

Monkey see monkey do

I went to the grocery store to get my much needed fix of Jelly Bellies and stepped into the 10 items or less line. Seeing as I was yapping on my phone I didn't realize the lady in front of me had more than 10 items. As I hung up I heard her telling the clerk she was being rude. The clerk told her that she wasn't being rude but she'd have to go to another check out. The lady then replied that she had 2 babies and she didn't notice. (Aforementioned babies were piled in the cart under mounds of baby food.) Baby lady proceeded to get more and more pissed off as she threw items back in the cart, narrowly missing precious babies. She then called the clerk a cunt and again repeated she had 2 babies and she was reporting the clerk for being rude to the manager.
Seems ironic to use such fowl language and have such a temper when you have, not one but two babies.
Use birth control people.

Freaks in the park

So my friend decided she wanted to see Jennifer Hanson play downtown. I am not a country fan but have been getting dragged to these redneck fests anyway. I am that good of a friend.
We get there and sit down and right away things got crazy.
In front of the stage is a place for people to dance. This is intended to people who actually know how to dance and are pleasant to look at. The first weirdos were a toothless older woman and a very old man who although not together were getting pretty freaky. Then along comes a mentally challenged man who had some weird object he used as a microphone with way too much zealous, performing for everyone and trying to detract from the stage which he ran back to every few minutes to high 5 the singer.
Enter the token lesbians. One huge and one stick thin dressed like a boy with a shaved head. Said huge lesbian proceeded to take off her shirt and sit on the stage in a bra with her belly hanging over. She then dumped out her purse on the floor and stick thin lesbian began throwing everything back in. Mostly condoms, which lesbians don't need FYI. They then went back and forth to the free ice cream booth about 3 or 4 times, and then persuaded innocent bystanders to go to the booth for them after they were banned. Next she harrassed some teeny boppers who let her use their cell phone and she made probably 3 or 4 calls to god knows who. Are cell phones the new cigarettes?
Huge lesbian then peed her pants at some point which embarrassed me since she had no embarrassment of her own. Believe me it was pee as it was only down the insides of the thighs and wasn't there previously. Shame!
Then along came normal buff work out guy. Although he appeared normal and had a shaved head, nice clothes and defined physique, he proceeded to "2 step" around the dancing area alone in a big square, tapping his heart intermittedly as if he was at a punk show. Huge lesbian handed him a condom which he pocketed as he 2 stepped by.
Toothless lady reappeared with a weird older chubby man who had an old fashioned mustache with wax that curled at the ends.
The bands weren't all that great and had to deal with homeless looking people milling around on the steps right below them staring or eye oogling their breasts. It was a sad day for the park and as usual a giggle fest for me.

Annually idiotic

Every year it seems I don't follow my own advice about wearing sunscreen in the effort to have my white socks discernable from my legs. This year it happened at the beach. I went on saturday for a few hours, didn't realize I was burning. By saturday night I could barely walk. I have been using aloe vera like crazy and sleeping with wet towels on my legs but I am still all stiff and my stubble hurts really bad. I feel like a big red penguin waddling around.

In other news, Seabiscuit was the best movie I have seen all year. And I think I am turning into a baseball fanatic. Saw the Giants last sunday and the A's monday and then again sunday, bringing home my Ramon Hernandez bobblehead after yelling at many young children who tried to beg and plead that I should give them mine since they didn't get one. Losers! Tell your parents to drive faster.

Past professions

So the boy and I were sitting at In N Out last night, him eating, me drooling, wanting to be eating but regretedly being full. And then this big homeless guy comes in, shuffling with a cane, barely moving. As he slowly moves past our booth the boy gets this disgusted look on his face and motions down. The homeless guy had on sandals with big swollen blackish purplish feet and long toenails hanging over his sandals. After the man is in the bathroom the boy says to me, "Ew they looked like big beets." My response is, "Huh beets?" And he says, "Ya know when you pull them out of the ground and they are all dirty and stringy." To which I smugly reply, "I guess you never mentioned your childhood beet farming days to me before."
Two minutes later he told me I had something in my nose. Something meaning a booger, which sent me flying to the restroom to find absolutely nothing. His little payback I suppose.

The missing son of the ambiguously gay duo

I was sitting at Cucina Cucina the other day with Maria, waiting for our food, when we glanced over and noticed that the table next to us had a little asian boy in a Superman outfit, cape and all. The waiter walked by and somehow the kid's cape had fallen on the floor so the waiter picked it up and gave it to little-mister-I-am-4-years-old-and wear-halloween-costumes-all-year. The little boy proceeded to turn around in his chair as the waiter walked off, close his eyes, and start chanting with his lips puckered, "Gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss."

Maria and I nearly died laughing.

You

I remember you, the boy I never knew. You hid your black book away, but all you secrets spilled out one day. You thought I was naive and that I'd never leave, but I'm doing better now than ever and it didn't take that long to grieve. I didn't know you were playing wicked games, I never got the rules, you tried to push me down and make me another one of your sad melodramatic fools. Things are different now babe, if you gave me your heart I'd toss it aside. Bottom line you need to learn is this girl has way too much pride. I better not see you face come around anymore; the only greeting you'll be receiving is the slam of the door. I'm not your baby girl like I was before, and if you finally are going to shed a few tears go back to the arms of one of your precious whores. Your persistent calls are unwelcome, your pleas and attempts unrecognized. You only want what you'll never have so stop your pathetic tries. You practiced all your lies through your plastic smile, told me what I wanted to hear, enticing me to stay awhile. Well this girl is seeing clearly now boy, your performance deserves applause, but your kitty won't be purring for you anymore, she’s ready to attack, she’s already bared her claws. Put your tail between your legs and run away like the dog you are. When people ask what’s left of you I'll point to my heart and show them this insignificant scar. You thought you broke my spirits and left me here to die, so let’s leave it at goodbye; I've no more tears left to cry.

A bored day of transferring emotion to paper

Your teeth scrape against my bones, tearing away my flesh, my delicate skin, leaving me naked and vulnerable, shivering, a skeleton with a half intact heart, its rhythmic beating slowing by the minute. Every time I let you in the pain is exactly what I expect. An eternal optimist turned pessimist in matters only pertaining to you. Ever since I met you everything seems to have paled in comparison to what I thought you were offering me, to what I thought you could give me. Like Narcissus drawn to a mirror, your image takes precedence over the love I so uselessly try to give you. My summer feels like winter without you. It rains everyday you give me false hope, like a storm cloud that has settled over me to mock me, constantly taunting me with what I wanted but couldn’t have. I've found sunshine elsewhere but it just isn’t as bright. Your fire left me burnt and scorched to my core but I felt alive, with a hunger just to be next to you. I willed myself to let you in time after time, needing to let you fill me up after it seemed that every ounce of you had finally drained from me. It's sick in a way but I'm addicted to letting you devour me whole.

Simplicity

I've neglected you for quite some time. My nicotine addiction is the drama I wallow in. Drama masks other issues. Deeper issues that are beyond fixing. Issues with no solution, at least not pleasant ones. Solutions that close in on me like malicious walls thirsty to suffocate me. Emotional hurt that no one ever warned me about somehow took hold of my life. My mom always told me to only care as much as the other person cares. Like one has control over feelings. Like the elusive on/off switch exists and is easily accessible. And I wonder if I could be blissfully happy without conflict, without confusion, without self imposed obstacles.
Simplicity- so true to definition. You offerings are of equal comparison to myself, unselfish, sincere. I'm staring through my peephole. Unsure if I should open the door of opportunity. Hesitant of the unknown, history telling me I crave complexity. My sensible mind telling me this is what I deserve. My heart, ever unphased, lacking memory of previous aches, not quite agreeing so eagerly. At some point I took too literally the phrase, “Something worth having is something worth fighting for." Perhaps we get a break once in awhile and we receive an effortless gift. I'm not quite sure if the door says to push or pull. I sigh deeply and lean, hoping for temporary support. I want to breathe easy.
So simplicity, I resolve to this: take my hand and gently guide me, let me lead you at times or give me the satisfaction of thinking I am leading. Be patient with me and amuse my expectations as best you can. I have never been one to intimately know simple. But I'm willing to take a few steps, open the door with conviction and begin a journey, an expedition with you simplicity. I surrender just don't let me glance back at familiar complication.

Things are sooo yay right now

So all the sudden after a year on and off of being mostly unemployed, I have 2 awesome jobs, one of which pays really well and will be fulltime soon so I can work 5 normal days instead of 6 long ones. I just applied for an awesome apartment all by myself and I have found the cutest boy.
I don't know how life turned around sooo fast within basically a week or two. I am not complaining though. I think I may have to buy myself some ice cream.

Also I have fallen in love with old movies at the Stanford Theater...and Cinequest is gonna be downtown san jose soon too. But first and foremost I need to see Old School. Not anywhere near Film Noir or Indie but it looks soo funny. If I wasn't in love with Kattan, I would so be married to Ferrell. Or at least be his super funny goofy mistress girl.

Not ha ha funny

So I saw The Hours last night and was dissapointed. It basically was a movie thats overall message was "Life is life." I got the deeper undertones and all that but I walked away unimpressed and have no desire to see it again. Depressing.

Joe Millionaire and Bachelorette were really funny though. Evan is sitting there talking about how this girl is so great and sincere and might be the one....and it flashes to her saying how he isn't intelligent or cultured and isn't really her type...but she could get used to the lifestyle...and the Mellisa girl......pure comedy......"it was so romantic when we were sitting on the beach as the sun setted." Setted?????????? Ha ha....or when Evan says that keeping his secret of being a poor ass guy "eats his brain out."

And then on national TV the bachelorette talks about "trying out the goods" and sleeping with the guys. Somehow regardless that I think women should do what they want......on national tv, after 3 or 4 dates to be advertising that you need to sleep with a few men to choose the best one......seems rather tacky....but then again the show really isn't advertised as a high class production.

Living shouldn't be called living when it's really only half alive

How is it that a person with no money and nothing to do has developed a bad habit, almost as if the little credit card demons came in during the night and superglued it to my fingers and then left me little notes all over the house that say, "You need new shoes." "You poor thing; you have nothing to wear." "Go shopping. It will make you feel better."
It is sooo pathetic. I try to occupy myself with jobhunting and reading and boring daytime tv and/or Dvds that the credit card demons approved as necessary investments. I am trying to exercise more but the weather and lack of daylight hours aren't really permitting. I need a good kick in the ass. And the willpower to cut the credit card or at least leave it at home.

This is my life

I think I hate men...and unemployment and moving, and psycho creepy backyard peeping toms that won't go away.
Life is so boring lately and I never get to do anything fun and exciting cuz I ain't got no cash flo.
I could tell a tale of a poor girl whose life could be a sad tragic comedy but that would probably be boring too, although based on truth. Hey maybe I could be a reality show and turn my drama and bad luck into profit...hmmm.
Oh yah, I am so auditioning for American Idol...there are some crappy ass people on there and I have a pretty good voice in comparison...and I can prove it if u are willing to give me your email...also thus proving I am a dork with no life who records herself singing on her pc.

P.S. I am an optimist damn it!