People are strange, when you're a stranger

Life is weird. I don't really have any significant complaints and yet I am not ecstatically happy. I am still homesick for my parents and am looking forward to visiting them for President's Day Weekend. I am trying to con them into taking me to Yosemite for a day to see the frozen waterfalls.

I'm in the midst of stressful house hunting with 2 friend/friend's co-worker people. These people both have credit worth ca-ca, so therefore us early 20-somethings will have to have a co-signer since I can't carry us all on my credit. I am nervous of ruining a friendship in all this. I am also nervous about finding a place that doesn't make my 10 minute commute worse. And that fits all my stuff and has enough closet space.

Work is super busy, followed immediately by super slow. I have been reading a lot and enjoying it more than I care to admit. I have taken to reading for at least an hour before bed and get cranky if I am too tired to read. How that makes any sense I don't know. I am avoiding the TV like the plague for some unbeknownst reason and have been careful with spending as I am spreading my money thin til my next pay check. Budgeting sucks my ass.

Holy Soft Porn Batman!

I went to see Monster's Ball last night. I had been looking forward to it as the idea of Halle Berry and Billy Bob in love under reacial tension in the south sounded semi interesting. Well it was sorta ok. The plot had way too much unbelievable drama. One thing after another kept happening and it was just too overwhelming to the point where sad things began to be funny. There is a huge scene with major nudity that lasts forever and was almost like an I-am-too-embarrassed-and-should-cover-my-eyes-because-there-are-too-many-old-people-around-me-who-look-like-my parents-and-I-am-watching-porn. Anyhow, the film just left me feelig nothing afterward. Yes it held my attention but Billy Bob did a complete 180 rather unexpectedly and the film lacked character development. I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to feel leaving. Just dissapointed.

Sometimes

Sometimes sunshine

Does not want to shine on me

And sometimes I find myself blind

At first I cannot see and then I see it's me
~No Doubt

Popcorn sissies

ryn_32: what do u like about that place?
lilgirllost9: saratoga?
ryn_32: yea
lilgirllost9: i dunno its not as crowded as the mercado 20
lilgirllost9: and its nice
lilgirllost9: and it gets crowded but parking is still findable usually
ryn_32: u dont like those older style theatres?
lilgirllost9: and u get to butter your own popcorn!!!!!
lilgirllost9: i do.....the centuries are cool.......very big and impressive
ryn_32: lol is buttering your own popcorn important to u?
lilgirllost9: but i like the big comfy chairs
lilgirllost9: very much so
lilgirllost9: it is a very essential factor in enjoyable movie watching
lilgirllost9: the amount of butter can make or break a movie
ryn_32: but how can u get the right amounto f butter
ryn_32: wouldnt u rather trust the judgement of professionals?
ryn_32: then to accidentally over/under butter?
lilgirllost9: its a complicated process that you wouldn't understand
lilgirllost9: the choice amount for me is carefully measured out, factoring in shakes to get the butter spread equally to each piece on the bottom of the bag
ryn_32: i see
ryn_32: how many shakes does it take?
lilgirllost9: mmmm...popcorn....
ryn_32: for the buter to reach the bottom
lilgirllost9: usually 3 shakes per small squirt of artificial butter flavored topping
lilgirllost9: multiplied by about 10 equaling around 30 small shakes and the loss of about 20 kernals that spill out in this delicate process
ryn_32: im no professional, but i do pay attention. ive noticed that people tend to squirt down the side..is that a more effective way?
ryn_32: what about salt?
lilgirllost9: you know, i dont actually use that method so i have no comment
lilgirllost9: salt is for sissys
ryn_32: do we use salt as well?
ryn_32: lol
ryn_32: i use salt
lilgirllost9: case in point
ryn_32: in fact, i prefer salt over butter
lilgirllost9: you are digging yourself a hole

Poor guy, what a mockery

Hours of endless fun watching Bush follow his nose.
Play with Bush here

Back in the day...

Mash would help pass many a bored hour on buses and recess. The online version is almost as fun, minus the resulting ews, ohs and ahs and squeals of 10 yr old girls....

Your husband's name is ryan and you have 3 children. You're an environmentalist who drives to work every day in a orange vw bug.

It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with ryan in your mansion in los angelos.

Come and play, you know you want to.
Link snagged from The Olive.

Tee Hee

Mr T has always been one of my heroes. I looked up to him when I was a wee lassie and he wore all that bling bling. He is now reinstated as my hero because he kicks Aguilera's ass. But how could he side with Britney? Gasp! Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize they are both trampy bimbos. Oops I said it again. I pity the fool who likes girly pop. NSync is a different story however. We won't go there today though...
Mr T Vs. Christina Aguilera
And as if that isn't good enough. For all those weird people out there (you know who you are.) This is everything you have been wanting to know...or at least something sorta funny in a really stupid way.
Dolphin Sex

Adventures in Pervoland

Ericsf1057: hi there
VenusApollo: hi?
Ericsf1057: i added u to my buddylist
Ericsf1057: nice pics by the way
VenusApollo: o ok
VenusApollo: thanks?
VenusApollo: u have one?
Ericsf1057: yeah
Ericsf1057: hold on
Ericsf1057: cant find it
Ericsf1057: do u have anymore?
VenusApollo: nope
Ericsf1057: r u seeing anyone now?
VenusApollo: sorta...not really...i dont know
Ericsf1057: cool
Ericsf1057: ever meet someone from online?
VenusApollo: yah
Ericsf1057: as friends? or to date
VenusApollo: BOTH
Ericsf1057: ever meet someone just to fool around
VenusApollo: NICE TRY
Ericsf1057: denied
Ericsf1057: u still want my pic?
VenusApollo: well seeing as u are a guy who just wants sex
VenusApollo: chances are not likely that i care
Ericsf1057: all guys just want sex...
VenusApollo: it isnt like i dont get hit on for sex about 20 times a day on the net
Ericsf1057: if they dont come out and say it..they are lying
Ericsf1057: u do?
VenusApollo: apparently u are a stupid pervert too
Ericsf1057: do u like phone sex?
VenusApollo: o yes......please call me....i can hardly wait
Ericsf1057: whats your number
VenusApollo: ugh
VenusApollo: i know for a fact not all men are brainless
Ericsf1057: ok let me ask u something
Ericsf1057: whats the oldest u would go out with
VenusApollo: its not u so dont worry about it
Ericsf1057: comeon
Ericsf1057: give me another chance
VenusApollo: are u dense
VenusApollo: i look for friends first
VenusApollo: not sex
Ericsf1057: ok another angle
VenusApollo: apparantly u are older but none the wiser
Ericsf1057: how bout i pay u
VenusApollo: ew have u no shame
VenusApollo: im not poor and im not stupid and im not desperate
Ericsf1057: your feisty..i like that
Ericsf1057: i bet you like it rough and hard
VenusApollo: u better start thinking about the last 2
Ericsf1057: ?
VenusApollo: the last two things i mentioned...
Ericsf1057: why
VenusApollo: cuz u sound pretty stupid and desperate


benjamin_pub: And we can play at work no ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Really... you don't want to try ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: really ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Try it ... you are alone in the room ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: what are you dressing ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Tell me just what you are dressing ????
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: why???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: OK... You aren't a stupide girl ???
lilgirllost9: no
lilgirllost9: just seeing how stupid u are and how long u will keep asking
me stuff

Freedom of Speech

In an effort to keep the ability to speak your mind around...
You can add this to your site. I snagged it from Brandy. I do feel its important to be able to write about what you want and not get in trouble for it...I am hearing more and more stories of people who are being fired or threatened, various different things... and I would hope that it doesn't come to the point where our freedoms online are taken away.
To add the easy way: http://www.platinumcomplication.com/carolyn/silence.jpg

OMG

I would just like to take a second to remind myself and others of the band Belly. I totally forgot how much I loved both their cds. Well....I had them on tape and had since forgotten how much I love them. Tonya Donnelly has since moved on but I still cling to her roots and awesome little early 90s band. So I will be running by Rasputins today to indulge myself in the huge selection of used stuff. After all its the weekend right? I deserve a little self-spoiling since I lack someone to spoil me. Ok no pity party today sorry.

Unheard, Ubsurd

So there is a guy at my work who is listed in the address book and in our phone directory by his first name only. And I just found out he has no last name. Rumor is that he moved here from another country and didn't want to make up a last name so he just stuck with his first name. My friend just went over and asked him and he confirmed. I didn't know this was possible. Weird. Aren't there certain things that require first and last name for application or ordering or just mailing? I am so blown away.

Yay!

Tonight I am going to see the remake of Fritz Lang's Metropolis. It is a Japanese animation Metropolis with subtitles and I am so so so excited. We might also try to catch Monster's Ball which is looking to be a really good film as well. My one hesitation is that Puffy or P Diddy Combs is in it. This may be my new substitute for Snoop Dogg humor. I am very curious about Lantana too. And I am not ashamed to admit I really want to see I Am Sam, being that the preview has made me cry everytime I see it. I think it is more a family related touching personal type thingy for me. Not because of the mental issues, just the simple basic family ones. Parent and child conflicts and love. So yah I am a sappy sucker.

And in music news...
I just bought tickets to see Nikka Costa this Thursday at a small venue that I really like. 13 bucks!
I am also trying to find a partner in crime to go see Nelly Furtado and Citizen Cope the day after Valentine's. So far I can't find anyone interested or free. Citizen Cope opened for Ben Folds a few months ago and I am excited his album comes out this Tuesday finally. I also just found out he has the same producer as Tribe Called Quest and Erykah Badu. I am just adoring his lyrics and sound right now. And......it is Friday! Yay!

One of the bestest movies ever

How could I resist?

Apparently it can

I am the only one on my account today as everyone else is recovering from surgery, freshly quit or gone home early for the day, and the phone is ringing off the hook. I have no clue what is going on as I feel drugged and feverish and I just got a 10 min lecture from my mom who likes to call me at work and tell me how to be healthy. At the same time my dad is on the other phone talking to me while my mom is talking saying something to the extent of "Ha ha I told you so. You shoulda taken all the medicine from the doctor." Granted I can not hear very well since my head is all numb and throbby and my hearing is at half its capacity. My throat has that boogery crap in it and I keep gagging and thinking I am gonna throw up. The sore throat stuff I bought tastes like acid and makes me more sick and falsely advertises its soothing bullshit promise of "relief for up to 6 hours." I still can not log into AIM and I could not schedule a doctor appt for today as I am assuming that the 20 minutes I was on hold while "operators were assisting other patients" all the appts were sucked up by less sick, less angst filled people who can not possibly feel as bad as I do. I am not really looking forward to the doctor tomorrow as the medicine they give me makes me get a female infection which is almost twice as worse as I am feeling now. This is modern technology and medicinal remedies people. Is this making any sense? Oh yes, I AM a whiner. How did you ever guess? Bitter? Yes that is me too. I swear I am part of some comedy show that the gods watch along the lines of "The Pathetic Little People and How We Love to Torture Them." This IS my life. Please do not laugh. It is the only one I have.

Oh could it get any better

So I like to chat on yahoo and aim at work. My job is boring and it is a good way to pass time. The drama ensues as so: I talk to friends. One friend thinks things are funny when they aren't. Said friend decided to warn me for fun. Yesterday he got it up to 100%......with no retaliation since I'm not as immature. I could not log in or send and receive messages. By today it was down to 60% and was getting better. He warned me again, after promising he wouldn't. He then switched names and did it again. I am now back up in the 90-100 range and can't log in or waste time at work chatting. So let's see...I am slightly mad. Do I have good reason?

Put me out of my misery

I am sick. AGAIN. I feel all sheepish because I was warned about 2 weeks ago that if I didn't take all 10 days of meds that the super buffed germs would survive and come back and eat me alive. Something like that. I think my neck has completely dissapeard because my throat is so swollen...I want my mum...and tomato soup and someone to read to me, oh yah and to not be at work wishing someone would hit me upside the head to distract from my nonability to swallow.

For one fleeting moment

This morning as I drove to work like I normally do, the sun was shining despite the chill in the air and the faint puffs of fog streaming from the exhaust of people trying to get to work on time. The road was neither clear nor crowded and things were flowing at an acceptable pace. The warmth beaming in gave a nice contrast to my freezing gloved hands. I had Orbital's Halcyon & On & On from the Hacker's soundtrack playing. I was mellow and felt harmonized in some unreachable place. Everything seemed ok. I smiled all the way to work and it just seemed that the day was ominous and promising. I have fallen in love with my morning drive to work as it is the most positive point in my day. And then I get to work and everything sorta tumbles downhill. I think I should just drive around in the morning and get paid for being an ecstatic, glowing, naive moron.

Aw yeah

I AM giddy like a school girl. Could you BE anymore jealous...or curious maybe? Please be curious? Pretty please?

Like you wanted to know

There are certain things I am learning over time as I live on my own. One of the main ones is never ever ever, no matter how tempting, leave oatmeal or egg on a dish for more than 5 seconds after eating. You will end up spending at least 10-30 minutes trying to scour it off otherwise. Yuck.

I am THAT special

I am now an official member of Make Out Club. I was accepted on my first try and I have yet to figure out why this club is cool. But I am sure it is for some reason.

Oy vey

So I have been very busy between the crackdown at work on productivity and the stress of apartment hunting. My best friend and I are going to move together very soon as she can't tolerate her roommates and I think I might be a little better off too in a newer nicer cheaper place. Whoo hoo. So by noon today I should know if I will be living in a bombass place or not. It is semi, well mostly dependent on my friend's credit. I am an upstanding citizen with a perfect record of course. Something like that. Anywho keep your fingers crossed. Within 3 and a half hours...I'd show you all a nice little pic of the apartment place but knowing my luck with stalkers I'll refrain unless you beg.....begging is always amusing.

Update Didn't get the place I want...o well....back to the drawing board.

Scary Man in Tights

And he says he is looking for a woman...namely tinkerbell...this guy has serious issues...any man who makes clothes like that for everyday wear should not pass go or collect 200 dollars, he should just check himself in.

Link from The Dane

Creepiest Dating Service Ever

Wouldn't you be scared?

What would Freud say

Strange dreaming happened last night. Considering that I rarely remember my dreams or know that I even have them, this is a special treat.

I am in an amusement park and it is dusk. The sun is setting and on the crisp breeze lingers the scent of clean air and autumn leaves. As I walk through the park with a nameless, faceless friend I approach a small wrought iron gate that leads into another section of the park. Coming toward me are a bunch of seeing eye dogs, each with a person in tow. Somehow I suddenly end up elsewhere instantly. I am away from the noise of the tourist crowds on a semi grassy hill with an old run down fence bordering. The blurry friend is sitting near the bottom of the hill humming, while for some reason I am acting like a 5 yr old on an adventure, bouncing all over the hill, exploring excitedly the otherwise boring leaves and grass. All of the sudden I look up and am face to face with a blind boy who for some reason is dogless. I stare into his eyes, realizing he can't stare back but telling by the pause in his breath he knows I am there. He is about my age in the dream (early 20s) and is a rather good looking asian american boy. I turn quickly to run back down to my friend, having been somewhat startled and unsure of how to react. He immediately begins yelling after me to wait and proceeds to follow me from the sounds of feet rustling over leaves. For some reason I sense that I am slightly thrilled and excited by the presence of this boy. The chasing proceeds but has no real result.

Off to an old fashioned house with hard wood floors and stained glass windows. The smell is somewhat musty, mingled with scents of old english furniture polish. There is a slight draft floating around. There is a family here with 2 young girls and 1 boy and the older brother who I am apparantly visiting. The mother is in the living room watching televisionHe has blondish hair and a scraggly goatee. His boyish looks and crooked smile are what draws me in. The boy is no one I recognize from real life but yet there is an unspoken relationship that has just begun as the electricity between us is present. The younger siblings are taunting and trying to follow us as he grabs my hand and dashes up the steep stairs with me. We hide behind a large tapestry in a doorway as we see inquisitive feet scurry by. We are out of breath and nervous at this new found privacy and closeness. We both share a moment where it seems are lips are going to attract each other like magnets but it passes as feet and voices run by again in search for us. Once seeing that we are safe he flicks on an old chandelier to reveal a enormous four poster bed with unlimited quilts and down comforters. He grabs my hand and we trod over to be swallowed up by the covers. We lie untouching with blankets up to our chins and watch TV until I wake up from dream land.

THUNK!

What was that? Oh my goodness! That was the sound of me falling off the face of the earth.

Little help

What is that song in Royal Tennenbaums....it is in the trailor and in the movie..."well I'm on my way, don't know where...." Someone please...what is that? I need the song but I am not sure if it was even included on the soundtrack.

So much to say

And yet I don't know where to start...Brief overview

Lord of the Rings was an incredible movie and was even better the second time around

The Royal Tennenbaums was a decent movie but not an overall quality movie.

Christmas was very mellow and relaxing.

My parents spoiled me way too much and gave me stuff I didn't even know existed.

I am sick...still...for a week now...and I do not get paid for the holidays since I was sick beforehand...need new job...

I have a pathetic dependency problem especially when I am sick and it holiday time.

Bulimia is a very gross habit, as is stuffing your face beforehand and smoking like a chimney, and all these combined are not very attractive.

I can not find the new No Doubt album anywhere.

I look better with brown hair.

i can't stop crying and i hate that i am weak and why do i feel so alone im not going to be able to sleep and i dont want to end up depressed but im raining down buckets and my heart is sobbing and i dont want to be this miserable i know that it is just going to take time but my but my hands are frozen on quarter to empty locked into everlasting minutes of pain i am lacking the comforting i shouldnt need but want so badly right now

Wow wow wow

Vanilla Sky was such a good movie, not at all what I was expecting...so utterly impressed with it. I dare to say a total mind fuck for a good amount of time. I love movies that twist and turn and totally confuse you. Definately an excellent performance by Cruise and an annoyingly psycho Diaz. And how could you not think Cruz was just adorablely cute in the movie. I want to go see it again and definately buy it when it is out. Wow.

Gggrrrr

I have tickets for Lord of the Rings this thursday night and no one to go with! The person I was supposed to go with bailed on me and can't handle going. None of my girl friends want to go and all my guy friends are busy! This totally sucks....anyone in the bay area want to go with me? I even posted an ad on Craigslist. How sad. I thought EVERYONE wanted to see this movie...guess not...maybe its me? No, they all suck. And I'm sticking to that story.

Some things should be left alone

I do not in any way think that making fun of what happened is acceptable. Rotten has lost some respect today with posting this

Just in case anyone else wanted to spoil me

Or at least you can see what I have been drooling over lately. So lo and behold: Amber's Wishlist

After all, I am single during the holidays, and so bored and sad and lonely, and cold, with big puppy eyes and a quivering lip, and I have been wearing socks with holes in them and sleeping outside in the rain everynight, waking each morning iced over, with no hot water to take a shower, and these things would make me truly happy and put everything in its right place...I think I am going to send it to my dad to reinforce all the times he has called me his "special little leech."

The one with the annoying porn pop ups

You know how sometimes in chat or in a message window someone will try to get you to click porn? Well now I know where they come from. When I got home from work yesterday I tried to log on aol and it told me I had an invalid password, for both accounts. I went to call customer service but realized I needed my dad's billing info to verify. We are sneaky and run both accounts from 2 different houses. He said he would call customer service and straighten things out. My account had been sorta funny over the weekend; I was booted twice from aol getting a message saying that someone was logging on as my screen name somewhere else. I figured maybe my dad clicked the wrong name.

So my dad finally calls me back and says I was doing illegal things under aol's terms. He said I was in Lesbian 50s and over chat advertising porn sites. Wait! What?????? And suddenly it clicked. On saturday morning I got a message from someone I didn't know saying I had an insta-hug which is a legitimate thing aol has. I clicked it and put in my name and password on what looked to be an aol site. Someone must have captured my password and had been logging on as me. So my dad believes that I am not a freak, which in this case at least is true. Damn aol and the damn stupid users who are sick puppies and steal other names to do their dirty work. What a scam. And I never realized that its quite possible all those dirty messages and dirty emails and dirty chat invitations are all stolen screen names. So disheartening...And this kind of drama tends to only happen to me...how lucky is that?

Just so I can be one of the cool kids

I have noticed the questions trend lately and I think it would be kind of fun to get some questions and then post them...so...being that I am not shy and have a sense of humor (A damn good one at that)(I think so at least)
Anyway...so send me some questions of any sort and amuse me why don't you.

Tis the season for me

Once again I have gone shopping and spent money on me. However, I did get my mom's present out of the way. So some good came of it. This is how bad I am. Sunday I bought...

At Ross
1. Purple sweater $9.99
2. Plaid shiny skirt $5.99
3. Tommy Hilfiger Bra $9.99

At Sock shop
1. Cow toe socks with udders and black and white spots $7.50
2. Pink knee highs $7.50
3. Vegas print knee high trouser type socks $8.50

At Longs
1. Rose scented asian type soap $.49

At Victoria Secret
1. 6 lotions/body spray/bath gel which were 6 for $30...3 for me, 3 for mom
2. Satin nightshirt for mom $30

At Hot Topic
1. Weezer sweatshirt $42.00
2. Goonies T-shirt $19.00
3. Truffle shuffle Chunk sticker $1.99
4. One time at band camp sticker for car since everyone says I remind them of her (That's bad huh?) $1.99

I should not be allowed outside anymore. I should do all my other shopping selflessly online for other people, buying nothing for me.

What makes all this worse is that I am already spoiled. My dad brought me a 25" TV on Friday, which is part of my Christmas present. He also brought me a cute tea cart for my kitchen to keep snacks in. And I go off and buy myself crap I didn't need...Don't judge me ok? I am dealing with my addictions by finding new ones.

It's me! It's me!

Just in case you were wondering what the exact epitomy of Super Dork is, that would be me. Cape and all. Full explanations to proceed when I am not delerious. Off to bed with thee Super Dork!Maybe Super Dorkette? Am I utterly hopeless?

Early bird gets messed up

My normal work morning starts around 6:15 with a shower, followed by unnecessary dawdling and girly procedures, gearing up for work to start at 8. Sometimes, due to doctor appts, trips, or other random plans that come up early in the day, I decide to come into work at 6 so I can get off 2 hours early and still get paid for 8 hours. This means getting up at 4:15. (shudder) So today is one of those early days for me. My dad is driving up from the Yosemite area they live by now to visit with me.

As much as I am excited to see him due to recent homesickyness, this does not relate in any way to me functioning with even half my brain capacity this morning. As I finished my shower this morning I decided to do a quick underarm shave, yet instead decided to shampoo my hair with the shaving cream. Luckily I did not proceed with the razor. I also managed to stare in a stupor at the lightswitches in the hallway, trying to figure out why when I hit it there was no light. It took me a good minute to realize I had turned on the patio light and not the living room light. As boring as this account is, it gets worse. On my short 10 minute drive to work, I turned the heater on, wondering why it was taking so long to warm up, finally realizing that A/C does not in fact stand for heat.

I am tempted to drink Mountain Dew to help me wake up, being that coffee lately makes my tummy irritated and does non-wonders to what my doctor has described as a lumpy problem anyway...sure go ahead ruin my self esteem doctor lady. I am trying to make it through one more hour decaffeinated while the urge grows stronger...I know I am going to need it for my late night tonight though and I don't want to OD on caffeine all day. It isn't even 7 yet....Sigh...

Things I giggle about

Things mis-said at work can be very funny. These 3 are the most memorable for some reason...

"How do you smell that?" (Question asked of a customer calling in after we had been talking about flatulence prior to the call)

"It's not our fart." (Talking about the chain of command and how things don't go well and management blames it on a one time glitch over and over.)

"Everywhere you go you take your pantses." (Conversation about dating and the risks involved. I was expecting to hear "off" at the end since we briefly mentioned intimate relationships with bar/club strangers.)

My name is Amber, and I am an addict

The internet has been down all morning at work, almost 4 and a half hours with no messenger, games or websurfing. I am not quite sure how I survived. I tried to do some work but made several futile attempts, played a few rounds of real chess with a co-worker, talked about disney trivia and some embarrassing grade school things. All in all I nearly lost all forms of sanity. It got to the point where said co-worker and I were emailing each other lame little comments, like school girls passing notes and giggling hysterically. I tell you people, it was not a pretty sight. Thank god that we are now connected and I can breathe easily.

Strange me phenomena

Two weird things must have happened last night and neither is explainable, although both together could make for interesting assumptions...

First off, I woke up with no shirt on...this has happened 4 nights in a row now...I don't remember waking up to take it off, yet somehow it is gone in the morning. And secondly I woke up really sore this morning. My arms and legs were achy, as if I had worked out hard the day before, which is not the case. I have not been having sexual dreams (that I can remember at least) and am at a loss for what is going on. As much as it would be romantic...or creepy to think, no one is sneaking in and ravaging me, seeing as I lock my door each night and wake to find it securely locked each morning. Do I have a dream boyfriend I have yet to remember? He must not be very good if I forget that easily.

Appropriately titled "Thinning the Herd"

A man inadvertently shot and killed his 23-year-old son on a hunting trip while the son hid behind a log, holding up a dead squirrel and making barking sounds (even after the son had been warned by the family many times to cut out the pranks) (Galien, Mich., September). And a 25-year-old man who had parked on railroad tracks to scare his girlfriend and then chased after her on foot was killed when he ran back to the car to move it (after hearing a horn) and was crushed by a passing train (Houston, July). And a 19-year-old college student was killed when he slid down a library chute that he thought was for books but which was a garbage chute dumping straight into a compactor (Sewanee, Tenn., October). [Gary Post-Tribune, 9-26-01] [Houston Chronicle, 7-25-01] [The Tennessean, 10-12-01]

This and more at News of the Weird

Open the Floodgates

So I was recently talking about some Christian issues that I was not completely informed on...and now have another tangent on my mind. Let me state for the record I do believe that Jesus is the savior and died for our sins. I do believe in heaven. I don't believe in Hell. I do believe there are many contradictions among religions (duh). I would like to believe in something identical to the scenario in What Dreams May Come. The religious explanations and ideas in this movie couldn't be more perfect for me. However, I do believe in evolution. So being that I do not have a strong religious background I am curious how more devout Christians explain it, or differ in beliefs...or don't believe in it at all...

Productivity

Is it just my work, or does every office have pointless meetings in which the person in charge rambles on about the same thing, saying it 10 different ways, wasting my time and everyone elses, leaving us knowing nothing different from when we went in? My friend and I tried to pass the word to other employees to play the silent game and don't ask questions in an effort to cut things short, but somehow they don't listen. How much are those people in charge getting paid again?

Bleh returns

So I bought this cute little designer phone/answering machine all in one doohickey from Target about 2 months ago. For a week now, the answering machine has been working but the phone hasn't. Everytime I pick up the phone from the cradle to make a call or take one, it goes to a high pitched static within a minute and shuts off. At first I thought it was the phone line, but that can't be since the internet runs through the line and is ok. And then I thought the phone was plugged in loosely and wasn't charging but that isn't the case either. So today I get to call the support number to talk to someone since it says, "STOP! Do not return this to the store. Please call customer support for help." If you have ever had to call a support number or service number, I am sure you are wincing as I am in memory of the wait time and frustration, but due to new efforts to reduce whining, I am going to assume this call will be pleasant and helpful. Let me go laugh deliriously now.

It isn't dandruff

One of my co-workers thought it would be jolly good fun to dump fake snow in my hair, as I sat innocently, for once minding my own business and not provoking anyone. These are seriously big flakes and have decided to cling to my hair no matter how hard I try to get them out. I am not laughing people. I am somehow reminded of my high school and junior high days when everyone would bring shaving cream, whip cream and silly string and attack any person within range. I keep saying that we actually do work here...but I am going to give up on insisting soon.

So that's what is wrong with me

Contradicting coffee

Yay for Monday for once

So now that I am single I actually look forward to work. That slightly scares me. I just had a slightly lonely weekend and did a lot of thinking about who I want to be although I am not sure if I should be wanting to be something different than what I am. Granted I need to go back to school and figure out which career I want to pursue, and I want to go back to kickboxing and get in shape, keeping busy would be a good thing right now. I want to read and write more for myself; I feel I am out of practice at academic related things that I used to take pleasure in. I guess I am more self-conscious about my levels of complaining and my listening skills. I am feeling slightly selfish lately for numerous reasons. Maybe I just need the right person to bring out the better sides of me. That is a good idea. Make it someone elses responsibility. Whoo hoo...I'm crafty.

It's pretty bad when you don't even know why you are crying and it's friday night and you are alone and you are tired but you can't sleep and there are a million things you could be doing but all you want is for someone to hold you and tell you its ok because the world just seems like such a sad place right now. Everyone has their someone and everyone is happy and I used to be and I lost whatever it was that made me happy and now this feeling has washed over me, pulling me under, dragging me down to the depths of something I don't understand, something thinly walking the line of depression, teetering and taunting me. I know I have people to count on but my sense of counting spirit is gone and I am even more upset that I have to reach out to someone to grab their hand and force them to reach for me and the only phone call I have gotten tonight is from the one person I can't count on anymore and everyone else I have called seems to be off, wrapped up in life, while I watch, frozen in a Twilight Zone episode as things move around me and I stand still, invisible to living. I forgot to write down the instructions and in a flood of tears I washed away what I knew, leaving myself no way to remember where the control lies. I am hoping that when my head hits the pillow I'll fall into sleep and forget who I am, and that I am sad and maybe it is just my lack of sleep that is making me the trembling wreck that I am. I'm sick of myself, calling with my soul dripping out of me, heaving my problems onto other people as they turn away, drained, my emotions' current sweeping them away, driving them farther away and if I buy the fake smile in the window I can attract them, make them want me around, my feelings cloaked by the guise of the "I'm good" answer. And I am done bleeding, having poured out everything, I am dry, grasping a small piece of relief which I try to stretch and wrap around myself to keep warm, to keep going, to get up tomorrow with a better attitude. My face feels salty but my storm has receeded and passed over for now in hopes that sunshine will find me in a better disposition in the morning.

Toe-may-to, Toe-motto

So I have become addicted to Caramel Apple Cider from the corporate nightmare that is Starbucks. Not only does Fairuza Balk, or rather her exact look and speak a like work there, but I have noticed a weird phenomenon. Most people say carmel. So is it supposed to be cara-mel? or car-mul? According to this guy you say it like this. But I don't. That's all for now.

If I were a work of art, I would be Vincent Van Gogh's The Starry Night. I am a tiny village at peace while overhead rages the tumult of the heavens. Objects whirl and flash around me in a fevered haze only partially reflected in reality while I remain grounded and secure in my isolation. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Selfish little me

I went to the mall to buy presents for my friends and small circle of friends last night. I was dreading the crowds but surprisingly, considering a packed parking lot, the mall was pretty quiet inside. I want to get my parents a DVD player and scare them with the horrors and complications and wonderment of technology, but I think due to recent unexpected bills I can't really afford it. I thought maybe something nice for their new house would be appropriate, but I was stuck on ideas. The same with friends.

So I bought things for myself because that seemed easier. I got a black shirt and some fuzzy knee highs from The Gap and some apple lotion. I am so selfless. It is just way too easy to find things I want when I am supposed to be shopping for other people. Isn't it?

More drama in roommate land

So as if my girl roommate dating a homeless guy isn't bad enough, my other roommate has taken to bugging the crap out of me. He normally locks me in the laundry room for a minute while he laughs on the other side and taunts me. This has happened a few times and I did it back for the first time monday, letting the door shut and then opening it back up within 5 seconds. Apparently this was grounds for him to be a big brat. I spent a lot of sunday crying and was in a very vulnerable mood on monday. I decided to run to the store monday night and offered to pick up something if he needed anything which he declined.

I left for about 20 minutes and when I got home he had stolen my driveway spot, moving his car deliberately from the street for no other reason than to be a jerk, considering we all cherish the driveway spot and first come first serve is the rule. He then saw me coming up the driveway with arms full of groceries, so he locked the front door. I had to put everything down and fumble for the keys. I was already upset and frustrated and not feeling good. I sarcastically said he was inconsiderate and went to my room. There was vaseline all over my doorknob. I burst into tears being the lame girl I am and was really upset. This was just a bad day. To top it off, as I went out to the kitchen to grab a bottled water, he made fun of me crying, making sniffling noises and saying boo hoo poor Amber. No apology or words relating to his bad timing and maybe he went too far. I was thinking of revenge but I really don't want to start a habit of childishness and let it get more out of control.

To top it off, I went out to the car Tuesday to find it covered in ice, and being as I wasn't in the driveway I couldn't hose it down. Napkins are not good ice removers.

I'd be so styling

Imagine how cool you would be around the office with one of these.

I need a band-aid

I am not feeling like a half, but I need to somehow make myself whole. I created this gaping wound in my heart and my hands just can't cover the pain. It was a mutual thing and for the best but it just hurts. How do you say goodbye to someone who has been your best friend, confidante, lover, the first person you call with good news or bad, the one who spent everyday with you in the hospital and helped you do things when you couldn't manage for yourself? It isn't really that anyone is to blame, it's just that we need to grow and make changes in our lives and being together was hindering that. I felt like I was mothering too much and he wanted that whole devotion and adoration of a high school relationship. I just can't be like that right now. I need my own space and life. I need to be able to see my friends and have some "me" time. I guess after almost a year I start thinking of the future. I am FAR from wanting to live with someone or "settle down" but it is nice to think that the relationship IS going somewhere.

My dad's favorite analogy is that of a lock and key. Each part needs to function and work on its own. When put together each one does its part to make the relationship work. Sometimes the key just doesn't fit the lock, or the lock is sticky and it just doesn't work smoothly. Regardless, I really do care for the boy and I am saddened it didn't work. I don't regret loving him and spending time with him. I have learned a lot of things about who I am and what I want. He has also helped me to grow in different ways, be more open-minded and active in thinking and analyzing the world around me. I am just hurting right now to have to let go. The right thing most times is not the easy thing. However I am smart enough to know you can't just stay with someone to avoid the pain of not being with them. And so begins the slow and tedious healing...

No kittie! That's a bad kittie!

The cat is meowing again, that sickening whiny meow like a baby. Ah roommates and their flaws. I'm going up to Berkeley tonight for a mini concert. Only band I know of is Dealership but I assume the others will be good or at least tolerable. I'm not quite sure how I am going to fair until one in the morning when it ends. I am hoping my party pooper self stays away tonight. I think I'm gonna get drunk on red bull before I go.

Work was rather fun today. My friend and I volunteered to clean the kitchen that our 50 some odd employees use. We got to throw everything away in the fridges which I was super gleeful about. Quite the lame one, I am. Candi managed to knock, the now full of fridge yuckies, garbage can over all over the floor. We were busting up so hard we were crying over spilt garbage. Within a few minutes we had a crowd in the doorway laughing too. Oh it was a site to see. Proof that too much work results in delerium. On the same note one of my co-workers was on a call with a client who farted. And much to our comic relief he had it on tape. We laughed over that for quite awhile...and I am bragging about this...sigh

Homesickyness

I woke up this morning longing for my mother's touch during the holidays. Every year she spends about a week dragging out the Christmas paraphernalia and sprinkling holiday warmth all over our house with nativity scenes, holly and ivy on most surfaces, and miniature decorated trees in each room. She takes small mirrors and surrounds them with cotton, making little ice skating ponds with figures. I would always tease her and in addition, taking for granted the work she put into making our house a real "home" full of spirit for my dad, her and I. She goes all out and makes our house feel like a house should during the holidays: warm, inviting, smells of pine in the air, apple cider and a book and a blanket in front of a fire. All these images were floating around in my head this morning. When I went to visit my parents for Thanksgiving in their new home, she had started the decorating there. I felt slightly out of place looking around at the lights; this wasn't the house I was used to and it didn't seem like the familiar feeling I get around Christmas. I do have some decorations which I need to put out and at least give some sort of holiday glow to my room. I suppose its up to me now to surround myself in something that gets me in the holiday mood. As November is now turning into December, it is really sinking in that the things I was used to for the first 22 years of my life just won't ever be the same. I will be visiting them for Christmas and I am sure things will be lovely and warm, but it can never be how it was. I've been told by friends that eventually you get used to being independent and the home sickness wears away. I just hope I don't forget how special it was growing up in such a loving home, created with such care.

And so now I sit at work, reminiscing and listening to John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together. I feel like wallowing a bit.

So true, don't ask how I know

People can be witty over IM. People can be charming over IM. People can not be hot over IM. "I can tell by your clever use of italics and your intermittent 'lol'ing that you have a nice ass." Hey buddy - those yellow happy faces may be cute, but they're not quite accurate.

An excerpt from 100 things you should know about college at College Humor.

Keep track of your money, literally

So I just went to Jamba Juice to grab a smoothie and upon getting change noticed one of my bills was stamped. I vaguely recall that defacing money is illegal but I digress. The bill says, "Where has this bill been? Where will it go next? Please enter the serial # at Wheres George. I am sorta skeptical. Anyone know if I have reason to be? The site looks interesting enough. Just some nice person who set up a free site so you can see all the places the dollar has been and recieve updates through email on where it has gone next. I have yet to enter my bills due to paranoia that this is somehow a scheme lurking under an innocent guise. So I would like some other sucker...I mean er..um..daring, adventurous person to do it first and let me know if is safe. No there are no rewards or prizes other than my trust and respect. I bet you are all going to scurry off and do it now.

Bathroom shy

The scenario is that there are exactly 20 women in my office including me. The women's restroom has 2 stalls. Every day, all day long, at any given time, at least one of these women will be in the restroom. I do not understand how this relates to the laws of physics or bladders. I can count the number of times that the bathroom has been empty upon my arrival on my fingers; that is how low it is. The reason this sucks is that I am too shy to go to the bathroom when someone else is in there. I wasn't like this before, and I don't know what sparked it, but I am seeking solutions and/or therapy... The other sucky part is that being the whiner I am, I mentioned this dilemma to a few people at work. Bad idea. So now everyone teases me and will deliberately follow me to the bathroom. This is rather disturbing when you consider the implications and intentions of people who want to hear you go to the bathroom. Any plausible solutions or suggestions?

Music TV? You are kidding right?

I got the goods this weekend finally after suffering withdrawal from MTV. But it isn't even entertaining anymore. I guess it hasn't been for awhile. All that is on is Rap, R&B and Shakira. I am so sick of that girl's video and I have only had access for 3 days. Did they lose all their Aguilera/Spears/Simpson/NSync tapes? Scarily enough I am praying Britney will come on. What is the message here? Yes Shakira is attractive, but the song and lyrics are horrid, as is the video. She shakes her hips and butt and talks about her breasts being small or something. She crawls in mud and does some more provocative dancing. I just don't get it and apparently MTV assumed I wouldn't get it, so they play it every hour on the hour to help me understand. Bastards.

Harass me too then

I can't believe something like this can get you in trouble like this with the Secret Service.

Noise infested morning

In addition to the cat meowing its head off this morning, even though we left it outside to avoid this annoying awakening...yes we are mean roommates...a helicopter came into our neighborhood around 6:30. As I got ready I kept hearing it get closer and than farther away. I started to think of why it would be hovering around for so long. Maybe someone robbed a store and is on the run. Maybe there was a bad accident and they have to life the people out by helicopter. Maybe it is reporting traffic on the freeway. This is scary. Maybe a terrorist act has happened and they are doing aerial surveillance. For almost an hour and a half that helicopter hovered nearby and I remained in a fascinated panicky state. I left the house and was ever so thrilled that my car had iced over and I had to spray it down, and there, among nearby trees I saw the helicopter suspended in mid-air. As I pulled out of the driveway and neared the location I noticed it was over the Home Depot that is being built. For a moment I thought maybe the rescue theory was right, until I noticed the large block hanging from a rope on the bottom of the chopper. They were using it to help them build. At 6:30 in the morning. I was less than thrilled...nothing exciting ever happens anymore...actually I think I prefer it that way.

To quote?

Who came up with the expression "Cool Beans"? I say that all the time and it really doesn't make much sense. What does it really mean? The beans were hot? Beans are cool in general? To have ones beans cooled is a good thing?

I'd like to be, under the sea

Whenever I used to say, "I'm bored," my mother would always reply, "Only boring people are bored." Now everytime I say that, I hear my mother's nagging little voice in my ear. I'm not boring! It's just that even when I have stuff to do I still feel bored. I am not in an excited state or anticipating something cool. Most times I am at home, avoiding reading, tv, video games, and lacking friends to talk/hang out with you. It is almost as if I prefer to whine about how bored I am rather than actually do something. Pretty pathetic. And in other related patheticness my mind is all hazy and this is all I can think about for the moment. Actually I do sound pretty boring. Disregard all previous info.

Say Wha?

So I go in the fridge to get a glass of milk at my parent's house to go with a heavenly scented piece of pie...and all they have is WHOLE MILK! Who actually drinks that still? Who are these people and where are my real health freak parents? I am literally in shock. You think you know someone, especially your parents and then they go and do the absurd and unheard of.

As for the rest of my weekend...hmm let's recap. I left work at 2pm to make the 3 hour trek down toward Fresno and then up toward Yosemite to the boonies where my parents have chosen to reside in their retirement. The drive took 5 hours...in the dark...in the rain...with a million other people, moving along at 2 car lengths per 10 minute time span. It was nice and windy over the pass which is always a thrill trying to get the car to stick to a wet road around turns with "gusty winds for the next 10 miles." Whee! Joy! So after that long in the car, I felt like Homer in that episode where he falls asleep and his car turns into a bed and he is draggin along a fence behind him.

I have to say that Thanksgiving was quiet and pleasant. We stuffed ourselves and then drove to the next boonie town over and wandered around the only store open, Rite-Aid for an hour and a half. My parents don't get out much as they found this super exciting and proceeded to drag me down each aisle, oohing and aahing over what can fairly be called "crap." It was sadly amusing to me that they have such gusto for Rite-Aid. My Dad, being the kid that he is, wanted to go see Monsters Inc and was excited to use me as an excuse, his partner in crime as he affectionately calls me. We had our pick of any seat in the theater that sat maybe 30 people tops. No surround sound or THX here folks. The rents enjoyed the film, as did I the second time around...and the cutest part is that both Mom and Dad were all teary at the end. That is so cute to me for some reason.

Today we boutiqued and antiqued the Christmas paraphernalia, watched The Grinch with Jim Carrey, and now I am bored, as I was last night. Pretty much once the sun goes down there isn't much to do, save for watch TV or movies and play on the internet. I brought books but I am just not motivated to read. I could go to bed but I'm not tired. Basically I am craving to do all the things I know that are impossible to do right now. I want my PS2. I want to go to a club. I want to run out for coffee. I think the closest thing open right now would be down in Fresno, a 30 minute drive. At least I am trekking back tomorrow and will becomforted by familiarities. I love my parents and get homesick, but once I am here I get homesick for my place. That whole grass is always greener deal. I do not like the boonies...I much prefer Goonies. I do not like them Sam I am........um yeah I've lost it...It must be bedtime... Hope ya'll had a nice holiday.

Thankfulness

As I was driving to work today the holiday really hit me and I know what I am most thankful for. There was an ambulance driving with its sirens and lights on going the opposite way on the freeway in the exact location I crashed in April. I started to tear up a little and noticed my knuckles were white since my grip on the wheel had intensified. This has happened before. A month ago I was on my way to Berkeley to wander around Telegraph, and I ran into a bit of traffic. The cause finally became visible. A new VW Passat was lying upside down on a small bridge over the streets below. There were no paramedics there yet, not police or any officials. I was in the far lane, tempted to pull over and help or at least comfort the person in the car...and then I lost it. I had a small panic attack and started to shake and cry profusely. I could barely see the road as hot tears flooded my eyes and cheeks. Luckily I had the boy to calm me down, as I could see the nervousness in his eyes that this nerve-wracked girl was behind the wheel, driving, doing what she most feared at that moment.

I am thankful that I am alive. I am thankful I have fully recovered and have my health. And I am also thankful to love and be loved by family and friends.

In my short drive this morning I did a lot of reflecting. There was a girl in high school that I was friends with. I met her in summer school before my sophmore year as she was going to be a freshman and she became more than an aquaintence but not quite a best friend. Karen was the kind of girl who didn't really have a group. She flitted back and forth between people and remained friends with everyone, bridging gaps between cliques. Karen was friends with the "popular group," the normal kids, the nerds, the trenchcoat hill people, the music geeks. You could see all these different parts to her. She just had this glow about her, like she knew the secret. She knew how to be happy and share that with everyone. You were lucky to be friends with Karen. Her presense was quiet and gentle but she never lacked friendliness or a smile. She always seemed to know how to make someone feel better. She truly cared for people and was as selfless as a person can be. There aren't many people out there that have such qualities and are as genuine. As we went through high school our friendship faded but we always kept in touch and hung out once in awhile. I didn't hear as much from her when I graduated as things between us had drifted apart.

Awhile back at the local coffee shop in my high school town I overheard a conversation between the co-workers about a funeral. I heard the name Karen. I asked which Karen it was and found out it was my Karen. Apparantly Karen had fallen ill rather suddenly. The doctors weren't sure what was wrong with her and couldn't get a proper diagnoses. She fell into a coma and there was little chance she would live or if she did there would be severe brain damage. Eventually it was determined she had spinal menegitis. She passed away and with her passed that special light she had touched so many people with. The coffee girls said that the turnout at her funeral was huge. All those people had wanted to say goodbye to such a special person who had managed to touch everyones life. I wish I had the chance to tell her how much she meant to me and to so many others. I think she knew somehow that what she did in befriending people meant much more.

I am saddened that she is no longer with us and in light of the holiday realize how fortunate it is that I am.

I'm gonna toss cookies

This is not art in my book in any way.
Link snagged from Jill

Ah the not so joyous youth of America

Went to see Weezer last night with Jimmy Eat World and Tenacious D. Before I give the scoop on the show I must share the excitement first.

I MET MARIA! She has been a long time online friend of the boy and I but we haven't ever met up. So last night while standing in line, who should appear before our eyes? A miniature sleigh....No! Maria! So she is as cool as I thought and it was super duper rad and very surreal to actually meet someone who I thought lived only in the computer. She is a real life person and she is funny and fantastical and kept yelling at ogres blocking the view in front of us.

The actual concert....hmmm..I do not like being around 16 yr olds who don't wear deodarant and are loud and obnoxious and too tall to see around. Jimmy Eat World was awesome and I really like their sound and energy on the stage. Tenacious D...I couldn't see the whole time but I heard he was funny up there. Problem is I only like the Wonderboy song. Everything else they do I can't take seriously, as their lyrics are straight from the "potty humor" section. I just was sorta grossed out and not that impressed. I don't like the fuck her softly song, nor hearing cocksucker and anus in any song...that is just me. I am not a prude but I prefer more fun and upbeat music. I guess I am not that weird. Weezer was awesome! I like seeing a band perform live although they don't move around much they had a few killer lines. Like after the first song he says, " Thanks biotches." They are just very straight performers which is I guess their nerdy characteristic appeal. Any who I would have prefered a seat over tip toeing the whole time to see over people. I suppose going to a concert requires that perfect excited mood. I was too pooped out from Disneyland and not mentally geared for a concert I think. Oh well I still have Tori.

Yeah baby

Drivers who aren't me suck

I doubted my vision before, knowing I am obligated by my driver's license to wear my nerd glasses otherwise everything is semi-fuzzy. But I have now realized that my vision is inherently better than many many people who I share the freeway with daily. See all these people have failed to notice that car pool means MORE THAN ONE PERSON in the car. Either that or they can't make out the hours. Lately I would say 99% of the people speeding down the carpool lane are idiots who don't follow the rules. This pisses me off immensely as I am too chicken of astronomical fines from our local friendly policemen, and apparently these people are thrillseekers...or visually challenged. Either way I am now the self proclaimed bestest driver ever! Minus the car accident...and the fender bender...oh yeah and that time I spun out...ok disregard all that and just blindly believe I am the bestest driver ever.

Must wake up, must wake up

I am so tired and worn out...but the weekend was so fun! The weather was nice and the parks weren't very crowded and as expected Disney gives off that excited little kid feeling...oh yeah, they also give off that I just walked for 12 hours straight and my feet and thighs hurt and are going to fall off and I get to do it all over again because I never come here and gosh darn it I am going to enjoy myself even if I can't walk for the next few days without gimping it. So it was fun!

And I saw Harry Potter last night! Yay! It was really good and exactly what I imagined while reading the books. I loved the music too...I was waiting for credits, betting on Danny Elfman or John Williams, of which it was the latter. Does it remind anyone else of Batman? It sounds like some other theme but I can't place it. Anywho the film was excellent and really exciting and intriguing and excellently cast.
I was sorta dissapointed I didn't get to see Amelie...I had mapped out directions to a theater in LA that had it and we drove to see it thursday but yahoo maps failed me as the theater was no where to be found. The directions were totally wrong and there isn' anywhere nearby home that has it...boo hoo...

Whoo hoo

It's time to go! Amber you just got off work...what are you going to do?
Amber replies, "I'm going to Disneyland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Well after I wash the car, dye the hair, pack my crap, and sleep. THEN....I'm going to Disneyland!!!

Aawww pooey

I jinxed myself with all this wonderful day bragging. I just spilt my lunch all over the floor in the kitchen, proving once again I am klutzy. Off to get yucky food...

Oh but wait...I have pigtails...ha ha ha. It IS funny. Seriously, it is funny.

And she talks to glasses

I think saying I am slightly excited about leaving for Disneyland tomorrow is an understatement. This morning as I cheerfully wandered around the house while the rest of the bay area groggily stumbled out of bed I had Pirates of the Caribbean on the brain. As I proceeded to put a few glasses in the cupboard I lost it and started talking out loud, "Aarrgghh mateys, get ye glasses back to the cupboard." Yeah...just a little too excited.
I also am dying my hair tonight and didn't want to have to shower hair products out before dying to then get in shower again and rinse dye...only hair dyers relate, so I went for pigtails, which considering I have shoulder length hair look really funny. So I am sitting at work in green dickie overalls with pigtails feeling like a 5 year old that mommy dressed up, or even worse...an older rejected Olsen twin. Oooo the horror.

Today seems really good so far...the sun was shining and everything is in its right place. I came into work and realized someone had taped all my hi-liters together with a whole roll of tape which took me about 10 minutes to finally undo. The natural reaction ensued...I wanted revenge (playful revenge that is.) So I consulted with the local office instigator who helps in these dire times of need, as we play pranks a lot at work...and um yeah...we work too...we do! I swear.
So revenge today was pretty sweet...I ripped small pieces of paper and taped them over all the keys on his keyboard. Then I proceeded to write the alphabet in order over all the keys. Hehe, his face was sorta shocked and amused when he came in. Then he told me an old co-worker stopped by yesterday while I was gone and he was the one who taped my hi-liters...Oops...But come on it was a good prank.

Today is bad, tomorrow will be worse

I know, so negative. It is always this way when I am waiting for an event; time goes into slow motion and everything is dreary and boring. I am sitting hear drinking Mountain Dew to stay awake and its normal wonders are failing me. I thought wearing my yellow british print Docs would cheer me up today but they've backed out on me too. I have busy work to do but no motivation, influenced by the laziness of my co-workers as well. I've been playing yahoo pool but I am now burnt out and my online buddies aren't around to chitty chat. I would read but if we aren't staring at the computer it looks like we aren't working...if only they knew. I bought The Tin Drum awhile back and am dying to read it. Holocaust movies, books, documentaries and such fascinate me. And no I am not morbid. Well I do work here...maybe I am...

Cheesey fun

Number of physicians in the US: 700,000.

Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.

Accidental deaths per physician.... 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.

Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) 1,500.

Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor."
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.

Aspiring photographer

Yeah I know...with a title like that you are expecting pics and I promise them soon. The digital camera has inspired this awareness of simplistic visuals around me that are now fascinating...like anything to do with the sky and fog and rain lately, misty layers rolling in like a blanket. I am thinking like a camera lately and therefore appear as a tourist, camera in hand with sunglasses and a fanny pack ready to go. Maybe not to the extreme... I am so tempted to take pictures while driving but have submitted to better judgement and refrained ...I am going picture crazy but I need to figure out photoshop to make smaller files so I can host and post more efficiently...
I'm starting to think about a photojournal too...I feel all foolishly artst fartsy passionate.

Way too funny for your own good

10 Tips for Women Who's Ascared
of Getting Stuck With A Loser

Sorta suits me

According to the personality test I am a

HEALER
(Submissive Extrovert Concrete Feeler )
Like just 9% of the population you are a HEALER (SECF)-- caring, good with people, and patient. You are completely selfless and full of love. As a concrete feeler, you do well with your emotions, which are very strong. You understand and appreciate *why* you feel the way you do, and for the most part you're at peace with yourself.

Suffering in the world really pisses you off.

In relationships, it's easy for you to get hurt. Avoid all kinds of dominant (D***) people, *especially* in dating or marriage. You are a motherly figure, even if you're a guy. If you're a girl, make sure you're a mom some day. The world's children need people like you. If you're a guy, don't even think about it. Most pedophiles are HEALERS.

On the rare occasions when you try to assert yourself, you're cute and awkward, but highly effective.

I'd have to say it is pretty accurate...I am fond of the last bit...cute and awkward...but they forgot klutzy...I would hope it is endearing though...like in What Dreams May Come when Annie stumbles walking down the aisle on the wedding day...that is so Amber. So what are ya'll?

Maybe/Maybe Not

Life is a game and True Love is a trophy...I think I am starting to like Rufus Wainwright He opened for Tori and he was pretty good...very nice presence and his music spoke for itself. He, like Tori is a very passionate singer and you can feel his music through his voice and lyrics.

Tori was just awesome...the show was amazing. The woman can play one keyboard, while reaching blindly behind her and playing the grand with her other hand. Amazing...no words or way to explain how incredible the show was last night. The mood and lighting was beautiful, yet didn't distract from her. I felt like she was so focused and involved in her music that she had blocked the audience out...like we were witnessing this heartfelt performance as voyeurs. The woman oozes passion.

Whoo hoo

I am going to see Tori in a few hours and.......drum roll.....I bought a Digital Camera.....Fujifilm 2600 with 3X Optical zoom...so awesome and I haven't ever had a good camera...I felt the need to splurdge for my Disney trip coming up this week...I am so stoked and so bragging..Here is me in my Nerd Glasses

Yay for weekends

Right about now I am desperately looking forward to the end of the work week. Anywho this weekend promises to be eventful. Tonight we are going to see The Man Who Wasn't There followed by a friend's party tonight. I am going to catch a WTO Protest in the bay area tomorrow, as the boy and are learning more and more about why they are evil and sadly most people go, "WTO? What is that?" And yet another party of a friend saturday night...I am not a party girl I swear. I drink lightly here and there...just for some reason there are parties this weekend. I can still count all the parties (if you can call them that) on my fingers. Go Amber you big party animal. Sunday I am catching up with a friend who just got back from Hawaii and we get to have quality girl time, gossip included. And sunday night I get to go see Tori Amos. Whoo hoo! I am stoked...Oh yeah...I plan on doing boring laundry and cleaning too...if there is time. Gotta have my priorities straight after all. All I want right now is some tylenol and a nap. Nothing could beat that out at this moment.

Poor Prince Charles

Attacked by flowers

Should I or shouldn't I

I have been wanting this tattoo since 96 when I first saw it. However I have not yet mustered up the guts to go do it because I keep thinking I might regret it later in life. So for 5 years now I have gone with friends to get tattoos and sat in contemplation, biting my nails, on the verge of getting the tattoo, and always chickening out. I want it on my right shoulderblade and the picture I have at home was from an art class is a lot more detailed and focused. I am so torn on wanting this but being afraid of becoming a wrinkly old woman someday who is embarrassed of her little pixie tattoo whim...well 5 years isn't a whim...I want it so bad! But will I regret it? Gggrrr! I am impossible.

Listless

My office is depressing. There is no sunshine. All the blinds are drawn, leaving me in perpetual fake light and thoughts of darkness enshrouding the building outside. My eyes are slowly fading into florescent lighted spheres. I am numb and feel disoriented. Things are blurry and concentration is impossible. I feel like I am floating somehow and I can't anchor my mind down to my body. The chair seems to be sprouting vines, intertwining into my flesh and making me part of the surroundings. My fingers welded to the keys, eyes transfixed on the screen, the weight of drudgery on my shoulders. No one seems to take notice that work is slowly killing me.

More than meets the eye

Now this is a Halloween costume

The adventures of...

I have been rollerblading now almost every weekday. This is what happens when I go rollerblading almost everytime:

Body: No! No! Not again! Why do you torture me so?
Brain: Body, we do this every day. You should be used to it by now.
Body: It hurts still. This sucks.
Brain: Well the more you do this the easier it will get.
Body: No! I want immediate gratification. (Big words for Body)
Brain: You need to have patience. You are going to love yourself more in the end.
Body: Immediate gratification!
Brain: We are doing this every day whether you like it or not. You need to get in shape.
Body: Why do I have to do what you say?
Brain: Because I am in charge.
Body: I hate you Brain!
Brain: There, there. Shut up Body.

Riddle

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil,
The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

10 thousand Whose Line points to the first person who gets it

Tee hee

All About Sharks

Game Dork

I am so excited because Ecco the Dolphin is coming to PS2. This game was so cool and more girly on Sega and now they are updating the Dreamcast one for PS2. I am also thinking of snagging Simpsons Road Rage and Okage. Normally, Simpson games suck and don't do justice to the greatness of the show. This one had potential however in the stylings of Crazy Taxi. And Okage is said to be Tim Burtonesque and more of an "easy play."I sadly admit I am not the best dorkiest gamer around so easier games are easier on my feeble mind. I feel like Rex in Toy Story 2 when he says something to the effect of, "My arms are too short. I can't hit jump and fire at the same time" Well maybe not the arms part...or maybe that is it...after all i do have freakishly small midget hands as Maria would say. So where to buy...I am dissapointed with Fry's stock lately. Who has the biggest bestest video game selection? You know, cuz I really need to be spending more money on things I so desperately don't need.

Um-kay

Why would you do this when you obviously have a ton of money?

I am the Secret Secret-Master

Ok well not anymore I suppose...I am stuck between a rock and hard place to be cliche. One of my roommates works at a "nice" homeless shelter and has taken a fancy to a gentleman who is 10 yrs her senior(she is 22.) So this homeless guy who is her client, has been over my house on friday and sunday and now last night. She can get fired for dating him, not to mention she has no clue about what this guy is really like. He has a curfew of 7:30 which I thought was good...BUT he can leave at 2 am. So guess what I hear at 2:15 last night, waking me out of slumber. Her and said guy giggling and going to her room.

The catch here is that our other roommate does not know this guy is homeless. He thinks that she just works with him and started dating him. If he did know he would freak out and give her crap and not let him in our house most likely. Here is where I became the secret keeper. She told me the truth and told me not to tell my roommate. Sigh...

I don't know how to handle this because I feel uncomfortable with this guy being in my house. I feel insecure about my safety and I hate to judge because he could be a nice guy, but yet I can't stop feeling paranoid. I am worried about her safety too, and if nothing else that he may hold her job over her. Worst fear is that she will let him mooch and move in. How do I tell her who she can and can't hang out with or have over. I mean she pays rent too.

My main concern here is for my roommate. She is a cute girl, very smart and well read, super funny and really cool to be around. I think she can do way better and it concerns me that she has picked this guy. Someone who doesn't have much to offer really that I can see. He doesn't really come-off as her type and unfortunately my little mind has labled him as white trash. Not to mention she is young and in school and he is 10 yrs older with not much in common. I want her to be happy though ultimately.

So now I don't know if I should tell her I feel uncomfortable, or if I should spill the beans to my other roommate and clue him in. If he finds out I knew and didn't tell him, he will feel like he can't trust me with important things going on in our house. Yet if I tell him then I betray her trust. I feel icky about all this. I used to think my living situation was perfect before friday. Help me?

Creepy singing child

This singing child is just too creepy, and yet really amusing.

Yucky Mondays

I suppose there is no way around monday because if you eliminated it, then whatever day you finally go back to work would feel like Monday, or whatever name you call that day. Maybe we should just eliminate work alltogether. Besides we are only productive Tuesday-Thursday. Monday is spent recovering from the weekend and Friday is spent anticipating the weekend. I digress...
I saw Monsters Inc on friday. We had to go to the 11 o clock show since all others were sold out. This worked so well for me because I don't really like movie watching with a ton of misbehaved children. I am one of those people who wants complete concentration on the movie with no crying, screaming, running the aisles, loud popcorn munching, ringing cell phones/beepers, talking on cell phones (this is the worst overall), kicking my chair, or innappropriate laughter at non funny jokes. Yes I am picky. So the movie was really really cute/funny/witty. I was dissapointed in Shrek (thought the story was too easy, there wasn't much challenge/journey and the jokes weren't that funny; I had hyped it up so much and was anticipating it and just didn't get what I expected) and was worried that this latest CG movie wouldn't meet up to par. It did and surpassed. I was giggling like crazy and was even touched to tears at certain parts, as was the boy, and no he isn't a wimpy sappy boyfriend who cries at everything, therefore the tears were well deserved. Pixar definately has a good track record going in my eyes. Plus there is a short called For the Birds which I have adored for the last year that finally aired before Monsters. Maybe I am on a roll and will actually like the movies I go see now.

The Happiest Place on Earth

I am going to Disneyland the weekend after next(15-19)! Yay! Yay! Yay! For those of you like my boy who have not been to Disneyland, it is somewhere you have to go to understand how great and happy it really is. I am so excited to take the boy. See Disneyland was sorta geared toward little kids, but it is one of those little kid things that is still cool no matter how old you are. You hold hands there and giggle and run to the next ride and everything is exciting and wonderous(slightly over-commercialized but eh what are you going to do). There are amazing fireworkds everynight and for a short period of time you regain, what feels like, your childhood. Not to mention that all the employees are super happy and nice. It is sorta refreshing compared to retail drones who hate their jobs. And there is no litter in Disneyland. I don't know how they do it but the streets are generally immaculate. My secret theory is there are little tiny gnomes who run out and gather trash so quickly you don't see them. So we are going to Disneyland for 2 fun-filled days and 3 starry nights...along with 2 days allotted for driving and I am so thrilled I can hardly wait.

Tonight in the Bay Area

Tonight the boy and I are going to see Hans von Sponeck talk about peace in Iraq. Seems sorta interesting and I have been feeling politically naive lately so here is a step.

Slap me silly

I have been having one of THOSE days. And weeks...actually about 3 weeks now. I am over stressed and I don't know why. This is round two of living on my own and it used to be that my parents were the root of my stress. I have been in my current place now since Sept 1st and feel closer and better about my parents now. Heck I even miss them and get homesick now. My job is semi-stressful lately but not enough to warrant the way I have been.

Example: There are a few people at work, who when addressing issues at a meeting or talking to me one on one, produce this phrase in my head, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" as I feel my fingernails digging into my palms, forcing me to keep my thoughts in my head and not let them hit my lips. This mantra repeats over and over until they finally do stop blabbering.

I feel over irritated by so many things lately and it carries over into me dropping things, running into things and messing things up, followed by the expected cussing in frustration at the situation. I don't know how or when I got to be like this. Normally I am perky and happy and optimistic. I think I need to go back to kickboxing to vent my stress on the punching bag, but I need to wait until december for my pelvis to be ok.

Most people get upset when they feel they have no control over events in their life. And I am (was?) a strong believer that no matter what you have control over your attitude. You can be a martyr and fall into self pity, or you can slap a smile on and try to actively solve problems and make things better. Lately I just feel like I can't control myself. I always try to think before reacting or saying something I will regret, but I can't remember how to breathe and calm myself anymore. I am feeling at a loss on ideas in how to shrug off my current status as a self loathing bitchy girl. Maybe it is just that I am justified in thinking there are too many stupid people out there annoying me. Show me how to mute the world.

Randomisms

Stupid thoughts

• Burger King had/has Halloween Simpsons Light up toys but I only found 5 of the 15
  
• It is impossible to find a recent picture of Peter Billingsley, the little Ralphie boy from Christmas Story
  
• Budgeting and trying to save money is not easy, it is in fact, very very hard (duh)
  
• Fat People are Harder to Kidnap (my new bumper sticker which is not PC at all)
  
• My fish tried to nibble my hand off the other day when I was fixing their plant...hence fish always think they are hungry and will eat food until they burst...they are not smart
  
• A frog can throw up his stomach and then scoops the contents out with its front legs
  
• I apparently have no life...er rather... I do not work when I should be
  

For shits and giggles

This is the funniest take on Eminem, Dre and Snoop's songs. The Dear Girl one cracks me up time after time.

So sleepy...need caffeine

Last night was so awesome. Castro was packed and the costumes were so creative and elaborate. I got the biggest dose of drag queens and have realized gay men are super duper skilled with costumes. And the most unoriginal outfit idea...50 million britney spears/catholic school girl wannabes who then had the nerve to complain, "Ew guys are being so gross and rude." Um...what did they expect with their boobs and asses hanging out. Then there was the other oh so tiny chested and shocked and surprised girl who had tape in Xs over her nipples. She was irritated that people came up to her. Gee imagine that. The best costume I saw was a lady who had made a huge shirt and her face was poking out the middle with huge fake arms cradled around her head, remniscent of Geena Davis in Beetlejuice. There was also this huge robot costume guy with his girl in matching garb that was really impressive. Can't wait to scan see see all those guys in drag.