This is my life

I think I hate men...and unemployment and moving, and psycho creepy backyard peeping toms that won't go away.
Life is so boring lately and I never get to do anything fun and exciting cuz I ain't got no cash flo.
I could tell a tale of a poor girl whose life could be a sad tragic comedy but that would probably be boring too, although based on truth. Hey maybe I could be a reality show and turn my drama and bad luck into profit...hmmm.
Oh yah, I am so auditioning for American Idol...there are some crappy ass people on there and I have a pretty good voice in comparison...and I can prove it if u are willing to give me your email...also thus proving I am a dork with no life who records herself singing on her pc.

P.S. I am an optimist damn it!

Boooooooooooo

So my new job sorta sucks and I don't think I am gonna last there..plus it is less pay than what I wanted and the commission is impossible to acheive....I was making almost as much on unemployment which sorta sucks bigtime. Now I am stuck cuz if I want to look for a new job I can't really get time off for interviews and whatnot. Sigh....there are a few positions I would LOVE to switch over to but there aren'y openings right now...I think I will complain for a nother week or so and stick it out,besides I don't have a choice, I can't leave til I find a new job.

In other news I am dying to see Eight Legged Freaks and might be going to Hawaii with the cute bf guy I have within the next month or 2 if things work out....I'm going to Hawaii!!!! YAY!!!!! If you don't watch crank yankers you are missing out....

Also

I start my new job Monday! Yay!

Not a fan

Where to start...driving can be cool sometimes...when someone else is behind the wheel and I get to be DJ. Driving is not cool however, when you are driving along between 75-80 mph in the fast moving carpool lane and suddenly everyone is breaking and getting over to the right and all the sudden you find yourself tailgating a big ass lincoln, with a little old lady peering over the steering wheel driving 30 mph. IN THE FAST LANE! I felt bad and all but mostly just irked that people that are that clueless and blind are allowed to drive. I wanted to honk at her but feared I would send her into cardiac arrest if I scared her.

I also hate driving because it gets revenge on me. The boy recently spent between 600-700 to have his windshield sealed and re-fiberglassed and whatnot. 20 minutes after driving it out of the shop a gravel truck in front of him threw out a ton of rocks and cracked his brand new expensive windshield. He now has to take it in and spend another 150-200 to get another new windshield. As this was rather funny I couldn't help but laugh at his sucky situation and bad luck. Today while driving down the freeway my friend and I heard a popping noise and lo and behold my windshield now has a medium sized crack on the passenger side which by law of all things shitty will most likely be expanding soon. To whoever said there is no such thing as Karma, don't try driving on any roads in any vehicles with windshields.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it

I might have a job starting monday if my phone interview goes well tomorrow....Just talked to a friend who hooked me up and it turns out the job is something very familiar and right by my house. I am just super duper excited to join the world of the living again....or um working..or something.

Last night I went swimming after kickboxing and discovered where all the white trash has been hanging out. There were little girls with no tops on and scary people in black smoking pot by the hot tub, followed by a couple having sex in the pool next to a group of very obese, loud and rude people who kept cannonballing over my head and bumping into me, along with a group of very dirty grannies who were drunk and asking innapropriate questions. All in all it was one of the funniest nights I have had in awhile.

Saw Men In Black II today which was ok I guess although I am very dissapointed Johnny Knoxville's part was so small. I went mostly to get out of the heat since we have no ac at home and the highlight was the LOTR 2 trailor that just looks completely amazing.

Muuaahhh Ha Ha Ha

Nothing really to say...just the funniest thing ever to share...What Time Is It?
Thanks Maria

Aw and Ew

We had the cutest day yesterday in Santa Cruz. We made a little picnic lunch and went up along the cliffs to Natural Bridges Beach, found a nice non-windy spot away from people and for a few hours just relaxed and talked and munched. We chased down a duck and her itty bitty baby ducks, trying to feed them crackers as they swam desperately away from us 2 scary monsters apparently. The Boardwalk was really fun too...not too crowded and not too cold. Bumper Cars ranked pretty high up there due to the fact that everytime I bumped into this little boy he would turn around with this look of surprise and then give me a dirty look. I thought by the third time or so he would get over the initial shock but no...and to look back and see my guy with his evil kinevil look trying to come bump me was too much. I think that was just the cutest date I have had in a long time.

On the ew side however, my roommate found where the flies are coming from. The pipe behind the toilet has a hole around it where it goes into the wall and they have been crawling out through there...hence after she sprayed the evil temple of the flies about 30 came crawling out and died on the floor. Thank god it isn't in my bathroom.This goes back to the theory that something is dead in the attic or wall and the mother of all flies laid eggs in it. She plugged up the hole in her bathroom and I am hoping called the landlord so we can have someone come take care of the dead thing wherever it is. I just don't want them finding a new way into the house. How disgusting huh? And these aren't tiny little flies. They are horseflies about the size of a quarter and buzz very nosily and scarily, not to mention they may or may not sting according to my roommate.

Huh?

Randoms......I saw Minority Report and Bourne Identity...both were rather good and will probably be added to the DVD collection when released. I think Minority was a little long and semi-drab to look at for lack of color...I really want to see The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys and Eight Legged Freaks though...

The boy and I are going to Santa Cruz tomorrow...50cent night at the Boardwalk was too appealing to pass up and I don't think I have been to the Boardwalk for 5 or 6 years. Not to mention both of us are jobless and have the time to run around and have fun in the sun while the money keeps dwindling away.

And to prove once again that I don't learn a lesson, I was out swimming on Saturday and rinsed all my sunblock off because my front side is now beet red and stingy. On top of me deciding to dye my hair red I now look like a big goofy tomato.

Speaking of goofy, I have been hanging out with Maria and have been cracking up every time I remember all the little side jokes we have going. I could list and explain but somehow without the context I don't see any justice being done so I will save those for now.
And in honor of Homer J Simpson I have decided my official rebel song is Uptown Girl.....ha ha ha....

Venting

Maybe when people say you shouldn't live with your best friend (of 9 years) they are onto something. The latest drama deals with my new guy. As in she doesn't like that he comes over and has now instituted a quiet after 10 rule. I am surprised it isn't a lights out rule. She complains that the talking and tv bother her and any other noise she might have heard. I suppose I can understand trying to keep it down but that is what we have been doing and she keeps complaining. Says it isn't fair that she has work in the morning and we keep her up. He offered to buy her a white noise machine (tis whirring thing that drowns out noise and helps people sleep) and I offered ear plugs to both she refused.

The thing is that her bf has his own place and while that is great that he NEVER comes here and she is there 3-4 nights a week, I think she wouldn't follow her own rule if he was over or they break up and someone new comes over here. My guy is almost an hour away in Berkeley so it isn't like I can go to his place every single time.

First thing this morning I get an email from her asking if he is staying the night tomorrow. She has been really anti social lately and elusive. Not to mention rude to my guy and my friends the last few times she has been social. I really don't know how to handle all this because it seems there is no pleasing her and I don't think it is fair I can't do what I want in my room. I pay equal rent. I know I need to talk to her about the rude comments lately because it embarrasses me and reflects back on me that I keep company like her. Normally when it is just her and I she is much more likable. I am just thinking that this guy is someone I would hope I will be seeing for quite some time and this issue isn't looking like its going to go away. Sigh......I feel like I have been reduced to a bad soap opera drama.

Lobster girl

So going to L.A. with my parents was weird. They are scared of traffic and just were annoyed and on edge the whole time. And Disney was packed which I am not used to since I normally go in the off season. And also there should be no children under 5 or children in strollers at Disneyland. Mothers obliviously wander around ramming peoples shins and ankles and should not have had children in the first place if they lack the common sense to watch where they are going. Besides I have no memories before I was 5 years old so parents aren't really obligated to do anything cool with kids til then....okay maybe that is a stretch but it sure would save money. Also Disneyland is very clean since the little litter scooper people run around all day making sure everything is spakly and the bathrooms are even impressively clean.

In other news, MTV recently shocked me with a decent line up of videos all at once. I got to see Miss Kelly Osbourne prance around , Eminem who I must admit I really am addicted to his new song, Days Go By with the awesome breakdancing guy and Moby's new one....Not a trace of Shakira! Whoo-hoo! I am really digging the new Corn Pops commercial with all the multiplying happy dancing cartoony guys. It is just too adorable.

Just saw Say Anything for the first time and have fallen in love all over again with John Cusack. I used to think Better Off Dead was my favorite but not anymore. Lloyd can come pursue this nerdy girl anytime he wants. I am not exactly sure how I had never seen it before, considering I am a big fan of cheesy 80s movies.

And sunburns suck. Especially non even ones that leave funny tans afterward. Like the circle where my bathing suit had a ring and the sun seeped in. My front side is still white while my back, arms and thighs are bright red. I will not being going out in public anytime soon.

Saturday wait, Sunday always comes too late

It is almost 1 in the afternoon and I have been sitting around in my underwear all day watching movies. I feel a little bit guilty of being lazy and needing to get a job. Yes still. Don't you wish you were me? Er....um.....maybe not...
I stayed at the boys place a few nights and think I am developing quite the sweet tooth for him. Or maybe its the delerium that ensues after getting almost zero sleep. I seemed to have forgotten how much I love this beginning stage when you stay up all night talking and giggling and watching cheesy movies.
I am also super duper excited about next week. I am driving to Yosemite to my parents monday and then tuesday-thursday we are going down to L.A. to see my psuedo sister and go to Disneyland. And friday when I come home I am going up to see Dealership play in the city.
Things with the roommates are a bit tying lately. I love living here but I am feeling like I need some alone time and somehow holing up in my room seems like it shouldn't be necessary. It is just that when my door is open I somehow end up having two people lying around my room and I can't really do what I want to do. The getaway is much needed. Oh yah...did I metion Disneyland???

Out of Control

So Saturday night I wandered over to Berkeley for a house party of a friend of a friend. (Technically it was almost a wake for this girl's cat who just passed away that she had for 19 yrs and only had 3 legs(sad and crazy.) Anyway it was a small fun little gathering, good food and drinks, music and conversation. Well there happened to be a neighbor of the crazy sort there. This girl had on her nice black shirt and skirt with running shoes. The girl was prepared to get her groove on and after drink 4 things started to get funky. Her and her male friend she invited kept busting out in an irish jig to 80s music. Then they started getting rather frisky, as in her moving his hand from her hip to her chest and he was going to town on her neck. She somehow got the idea that if she tried to get up on the rest of us we would give her dollars so she tucked the bottom of her shirt into the top, making a tiny little top and proceeded to grind her pelvis on anything moving or not moving in the room. It soon became a game where anywhere she went, everyone would migrate to the opposite room. I was attacked in the kitchen with a seductive hug and brush of hair followed by tummy rubbing before I could slide away to the living room. Another girl at the party as not so fortunate. Innocently sitting on the couch, the crazy girl cozied up to her and laid her head on her shoulder, rubbed her arm and then put her hand between her legs and started rubbing her thighs...innocent girl took quickly to the kitchen. After drink 6, crazy girl decided to take irish jig boy somewhere more private, apologizing if she went to far to most people there. It was a relief when she left but somehow I don't think I have giggled that uncontrollably and that hard for quite some time.

Baa-Baa

I feel rather sheepish...being as I am a girl and tend to stress needlessly over boy related things. So on Monday I dropped this boy off at the airport for a short fun Florida trip. He told me he would be back thursday at 10:30 and I offered to pick him up, so the plan was that he would call me to let me know if he wanted me to still pick him up or not. So I sat around last night figuring that he had to call me wednesday night because of the time difference and that his flight would be leaving early thurs morning. I even went as far as to argue in my head that the bars close at 2am which would be 11pm my time so I might get a late call from him. So no call. I got all stressed and whiny and pouty. I figured when he got in this morning I might get a call. He called a little while ago. He is still in Forida. His flight comes in at 10:30 tonight and he wants me to meet up with him and stay the night. All that freaking worrying and analyzing and stressing for nothing. I am officially a lame-o. It just seems totally unfair that girls are made like this and guys aren't. Girls sit around thinking about guys and getting all giddy and then disecting every word a guy says to her and what the hidden secret meanings are and when he said he wanted to hang out did he really mean he wanted to and when he said that I looked nice did he really mean my butt looked big and guys are basically thinking...mmm...beer.....

The same thing every time

Everytime I go to kickboxing I work up a pretty good sweat, so while I come home feeling all proud of myself and sore in a good way, I am rather the stinky girl. This is not a good thing when you are dragged by fellow kickboxing roommates out to dinner (shame after working off all those calories) or dragged grocery shopping or to get gas. So when I come home I am still in said stinky state. But the longer I wait before jumping in the shower the more I am able to jusify that the sweat is dry and not nearly as stinky and that sleeping is a better option and waiting to shower til morning. Then I get that feeling where it is like I can't sleep knowing I didn't brush my teeth and I start to feel guilty if I don't shower, that the stinky dried sweat will crawl off my body and contaminate my sheets for every night thereafter if I don't shower. This is a major dilemma. Also sweat makes me break out sometimes hence giving another reason to shower. It is just that after the shower I feel like someone injected me with caffeine and I am wide awake. Sigh...to be so lucky as to worry over the trivial....I am off to shower.

Running to stand still

On a busy city street, steam rising from sewers below, taste of something tainted on the breeze, cars whirring by, horns honking, lights flashing, people bustling, shouting, jostling shoulders impact my body, shoving, pushing, stumbling, cold biting wind picking up, squinting to deter dirt and dust, it is all I can do to remain stationary. Zoom out...a girl, standing still in solitary, eyes squeezed tightly shut, noises falling on deaf ears, trying not to wake up in a world that just keeps moving around her.

Too much tube

Ok so the other night I am almost positive I wasn't dreaming. There was a commercial for some restaurant/fast food with Kermit and Miss Piggy. And Miss Piggy said she wanted 3 bacon/sausage/slash pig product meals....and asked Kermie what he wanted. That is really disturbing to me that Miss Piggy is gonna scarf down on her relatives and someone deemed this a good ad campaign.

So wait...

Does anyone actually watch Battlebots? That show irritates me beyond belief. Comedy Central usually
has quality programs. This just seems like a waste though. I never liked remote control cars of trucks when I was little and the appeal of grown men beating up eachothers remote control creations just seems really lame-o.

And then there are the Pantene ads that air during every freaking commercial break. Like men who watch Battlebots actually want to wash their hair with girly pantene.I always used to mock advertising and their wasted attempts on trying to convince me to buy their products. And then I went to Target and scoured the shelves for Pantene. I will not however submit to MC Hammer's bad acting and pathetic loan company...
Guy: But why are you in my toolbox?
MC H: Cuz I'm the Hammer baby!

The worst part was when they closed their eyes

Saw About A Boy yesterday....what a great flick...the giggle factor was through the roof. I can't help it. I am the biggest sucker for Hugh Grant and his silly weird facial expressions. I think I am also a very sappy girl who likes stories about people changing and opening up and all that cheesy stuff. Plus being the nice gal I am I always feel bad for the nerdy misfit characters and get all excited when they come into their own and are still dorky but in a cool way. Not that I was ever uncool. But I can see how it might be if someone was....yah....

Ok enough of that

Here I am. Unemployed and relaxing and strangely satisfied with myself...been doing a lot of me things and spending me time with who else but me.
Although I do feel rather boring since there aren't that many exciting things going on in my life. I have memorized all the daytime programming....If that isn't an accomplishment I don't know what is.

To help with the wallowing

The Top 8 (just because) songs that are not helping my mood

1. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me ~ The Smiths
2. All By Myself ~ Sheryl Crow
3. Only Time ~ Enya
4. Sometimes ~ No Doubt
5. Always Getting Over You ~ Angela Ammons
6. Sway ~ Bic Runga
7. Famous Blue Raincoat ~ Leonard Cohen
8. Trouble ~ Coldplay

Its like that, ya know?

I so feel like Bridget Jones sitting on the couch crying and singing All By Myself.

And so it goes, and you're the only one who knows

And now it is over...Somewhat rattled and sad...stronger in the end...and always...on my own

Mopey, dopey little me

I want someone to pick me up like a wet rag and ring me out. Help me rid myself of thinking, and lingering thoughts, paranoid assumptions...

The boy and I are seeing each other again. I am stressed. I just feel really sensitive and paranoid about how he feels for me. I am constantly upset lately over so many things in my life and this on top of it is really bothering me. It used to be that he was all lovey and into me and reassuring. He was my backbone and my support and I knew he was there for me and wanted to be there more than anything. And now I feel like it is a chore for him. He doesn't call as much and has admitted that things feel weird. He wasn't counting on getting back together and things are taking getting used to. I am only getting half of him. The negative comments and lack of reassurance that he does want to be around me are missing. I want him to work at things as much as I feel I have been lately. I know I can't change the fact that we took a break for awhile, but I can give effort now and I want to. I really do want things to work. And sometimes they seem like they are. But right now I keep getting this feeling that I am being set aside a bit. Maybe there are bitter feelings. Maybe there are scared feelings of giving and getting hurt again. But I can't make this work on my own. I need help. And right now I need someone, namely you, to hold my hand and be with me. All of you.

Oh baby

Look at monkey faced George Bush breaking a sweat. Work it baby, work it!

So sad

There is something utterly pathetic and pity worthy about eating yogurt with a plastic fork.

I'm so cool I impress myself

So I am not all done but I think I am slightly proud of myself for figuring a few things out and changing things around. Do we like? Someday I aspire to have a shortcake-a-riffic site that I design all on my own. But for now....that'll do Amber, that'll do.

So much to say

I went to San Fran saturday night and saw Rufus Wainwright. What an amazingly intimate show...I was so impressed. Not to mention his sister has an incredible voice and his little opener is quite the hottie and musician...Teddy Thompson or something like that. The best part was that the last song of the night, Rufus brought his mom up onstage and she played piano while he sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It was extremely touching.

In other unexciting news my heater make entirely too much noise and I have yet to stare at it blankly pretening I may be able to figure out what is wrong before giving up and admitting I have no clue. I just know that the loud cranking noise before it comes on wakes me up at least 2-3 times a night.

In the drama file we have the bitter old roommate calling my new house and leaving a message on my friends answering machine to cuss me out for no reason and calling me something to the extent of a f-ing c**t. I am proud of myself for not calling back. However my friend did and told him he is not allowed to call anymore or we will take legal action. I am assuming he is bitter that I prorated my last month and he had to pay 210....even though I payed from March 1st-21st at 490 bucks although I wasn't living there. On top of an $800 deposit and $700 rent at the new place. And he was trying to get me to pay the full month claiming someone would pay me back, then telling me no one was going to when I wanted it in writing. So the other day I dropped off my keys to the landlord since I was done there and he called because it was an inconvenience to drive 2 blocks to pick them up I guess. Oy vey.

Plea for help

I can't figure this riddle out. Help!
Monday and Tuesday have two, Wednesday and Thursday have one, Friday has six and Saturday and Sunday have none, what is it?"

Ok apparantly the wording is all messed up and this isn't a valid riddle.

Irony perhaps

You know, as much as I complained and whined about my job, I really wanted to make the decision to leave, not to be told I had to. We had an offer to move with the company to Boston and take a pay cut since cost of living is cheaper there...I laughed quite a bit. There is no way I would just pick up and leave California for this job of all jobs. Luckily the timing was good and bad. Yeah....I did just move into a new house and there are a lot of expenses right now, but I am getting my tax return back soon and my deposit from my last place. Plus I get 2 more full paychecks and severence, although we aren't betting on more than a hundred or so...hopefully it is more but from what I know of my company we are lucky to get any severence.

So I am curious as to how I am going to suffer through budgeting. I am not very good at saving money. I could pay rent and bills and appease my need for movies, food entertainment/shopping....and driving to cities like San Fran and Santa Cruz without worrying about gas. So now it is looking like I will be watching movies at home, eating ramen...or smack as we now call it....and not even renting movies but watching ones we have over and over and over.....

Now I know I worry too much and I may well find a job very soon and be financially ok. It is just finding a job that pays as well or better than what I have, *ahem* HAD...may be a little tricky at first. Everyone wants a degree, even if it is in underwater basket weaving, they will take that person over someone with a few years experience in the field. I have been on a lame procrastinating hiatus from school and I guess this is a huge motivation to go back and finish my degree. Or face the evil alternative...moving to Fresno near my begging me to come there parents and being miserable in a place where it is muggy, humid, 108 and boring...

The worst part about finding out we were closing down is that they called a Bagel meeting. Normally we have bagel meetings friday mornings with lots of *gasp* bagels and donuts. Well when they called this bagel meeting to tell us, there were no bagels...or donuts...what a rip off.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

My company site is closing next friday. They told us today. I am in shock and not looking forward to joining the unemployment ranks. Sigh...

Relief, sweet relief

I am all moved into my new place and I feel so much more relaxed and excited about my situation. My room is huge, bathroom is nice, kitchen and den are gorgeous and all moderny with this awesome hard wood floor and our family room is cozy. I am not a fan of moving since it is a lot of yucky work, but the end results are definately worth it.
I guess the landlord had the pipes changed under the bathroom sinks and they didn't put a bucket to catch the water...so my carpet in my room was and still is damp and stinky....and under my sink is still wet so I can't put things away. My room smells like wet cat. I can't wait to break out the candles and incense...or for it to dry out....that should work too.

In other news I went to Bimbo's in San Fran on saturday night with Maria and saw The Donnas. The show was awesome but even more awesome was giggling and making fun of people and just watching the shit go down around us. We had a table so we didn't have to stand and we could see over the crowd. The only complaint was the 6 ft tall, 100 lb praying mantis girl in front of us who kept standing up with her pencil thin body blocking our view and the sneaky chain smoker girl who had an out of control rebel addiction. We kept wondering why no one approached us or wanted to sit at our little table. The joke of the evening was that we needed to flash people to get attention. I guess you had to be there. Also the Donna who tells weird jokes...she sounds like Dino from Flintstones when she screams and tries to be weird. I liked her much better when she used her normal voice.

Again I think....

I don't remember where I first saw this but I had a craving today to watch it....and no thanks to Jeff or Guruvious who had no clue what I was talking about......I finally found the site again....Such a weird funny animation...
Psycho Kitties

If only I had a phaser...

I am moving this weekend. Praise the lord. I found a really nice 4 bedroom house less than 2 miles from my work with my best friend and her co-worker. We all have a similar lifestyles and habits and things are looking like they should be really good. Yes, we are both sorta nervous about our friendship but have agreed if something is bothersome we will do what we always do and talk about it before it blows up.

The roommates I am leaving, well one of them, is making my life hell. I gave my 30 days as soon as I found out. I am paying rent at the old place up until March 21st, even though I won't be living there after saturday. So I have shelled out 800 deposit and 700 rent at new place and now am shelling out 490 more instead of my normal 700. My roommate told me that since all the rent for the whole house is due March 1st that I should pay my normal 700 and the guy taking my place March 21st will pay me the 210 difference then. I approached my roommate the other day to say that I didn't feel comfortable with the arrangement (thinking to self I was gonna get screwed over) and that I really didn't want to do it this way especially without it in writing. He then told me the replacement isn't moving in until April 1st so no one is going to pay me back. So I told him I was paying the 490 I owe and he needed to figure the rest out. He then got pissed and argued with me saying I wasn't being responsible and I was fucking them over. I am not sure exactly why, by following all the rules on my side, and offering to come back at end of March and help out with March bills, he is so pissed but the last few days and the next few days are proving to be very tense and yucky...as in he got up at 6am for the first time in 6 months....to flush the toilet and burn me while I was in the shower...keep in mind he is 31 yrs old...

Oh and to continue with funny

So last night the boy and I were cuddling and it was all smooshy and cutesy and make you want to barf at the lovey doveys. We usually make dumb snugglebunny or cuddly wuddly references but last night was the funniest. So the boy says to me...
"You're my wittle snuggleslug. Let's get slimy." I think I almost peed my pants laughing.

On another related funny note. I have known the boy over a year...and I find out last night that he has a hedgehog in his garage. A real one. Conversation proceeding discovery:
Me: You serious? Why's your mom keep that out there?
Boy: I don't know; it just sits out there in its cage.
Me: Can you touch it?
Boy: Well he isn't really nice. In fact he is sorta mean.
Me: So it bites or what does it do when you pick it up?
Boy: Well his main way of attack is that when you reach in to pick him up he jumps up to scare you and get your hand.
Me: Really???
Boy: Yes really.
Me: So once you pick him up what does he do?
Boy: Well you have to wear gloves to touch him and he just curls up in his ball as his next defense mechanism.
Me: He stays curled up in a ball the whole time?
Boy: Pretty much, yah.
Me: So in other words he is pretty useless.
Boy: Yah, I guess.
Me: Man you shoulda got a guinea pig. They squeek.

Me? Slacker? No freakin way!

So Amber...what productive things have you been doing at work. Well let's see. For the last 4 hours I have been watching about 8 gabillion (cause that IS a word) hysterical clips from comedy central. You too can be a slacker....and laugh and laugh and not do any work...and get paid!

OOohh can I wait that long?

Oh my! Robin Williams, Edward Norton, Jon Stewart and Danny Devito. Yay for Death to Smoochy

Where's your head at?

Thanks to Nic I will be listening to Basement Jaxx all freaking day....so catchy though...

MMM chocolate.....chocolate....huh huh(Sloth)

Yah...Goonies...member.......anyway.....I have been so good lately.....going to kickboxing and eating better....and I have been munching on grapes all morning....so proud of myself.....but now I just membered I have easter chocolate in my drawer that I recently bought, which I may add is still unopened.....but it is calling to me....must.......resist........temptation......bad..
...for.......me........drooling......can't.....fight..........it..........

In honor of love and whimsy philosophies

ORIGIN OF LOVE

When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky,
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head
So they could watch all around them
As they talked; while they read.
And they never knew nothing of love.
It was before the origin of love.

The origin of love

And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Were like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They were part sun, part earth
Part daughter, part son.

The origin of love

Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
And Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightening, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire

And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping round on one foot
And looking through one eye.

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We were making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.

For Ryan

Something cheesy for you for Valentine's

OOO AAAHHH Actual Content

I saw Storytelling last night and I am not sure what to think. The movie is by the director of Welcome to the Dollhouse and Happiness and has 2 unrelated stories that make up the movie. The first story "Fiction" deals with Selma Blair dating another college student with cerbral palsy...I won't ruin it but it delves into this african american dominant in bed idea about how people make up fantasies and then when faced with them make themselves the victim which is all they know how to do to make the fantasy come true. It was really weird and disturbing. The second story "Non fiction" follows around this kid named Scooby who doesn't want to go to college and there is a nerdy documentary guy following him around, making what turns out to be almost a mockumentary. This story had way more humor and John Goodman as the father was an excellent little performance. The story sorta ended weird though leaving me wondering, besides the somewhat obvious message I really don't see why the movie was made. It was very similar to my feelings for Dollhouse...was an ok movie but one I could have gone without seeing.

Ghost World on the other hand I absolutely loved and just bought. Awesome awesome movie....I have been trying to find the comic it is based on unsucessfully; everywhere is sold out it seems. I am also tempted to see Crumb now but am hesitant, any recommendations?

Also, WHERE DID SPELL CHECK GO????????

Normal? Anyone?

happy_jack2002us: Hi, how are U ? I'm looking for a sexy female
lilgirllost9: lol
happy_jack2002us: sexy single horny male here
lilgirllost9: im not into that

Cheesy girl with cheesy shirt

I just couldn't resist since I am so proud of my shirt....and yes it does say "I Pity the Fool!"
(The orange one near the bottom)

OOOO Great stress relief

Pop!

People are strange, when you're a stranger

Life is weird. I don't really have any significant complaints and yet I am not ecstatically happy. I am still homesick for my parents and am looking forward to visiting them for President's Day Weekend. I am trying to con them into taking me to Yosemite for a day to see the frozen waterfalls.

I'm in the midst of stressful house hunting with 2 friend/friend's co-worker people. These people both have credit worth ca-ca, so therefore us early 20-somethings will have to have a co-signer since I can't carry us all on my credit. I am nervous of ruining a friendship in all this. I am also nervous about finding a place that doesn't make my 10 minute commute worse. And that fits all my stuff and has enough closet space.

Work is super busy, followed immediately by super slow. I have been reading a lot and enjoying it more than I care to admit. I have taken to reading for at least an hour before bed and get cranky if I am too tired to read. How that makes any sense I don't know. I am avoiding the TV like the plague for some unbeknownst reason and have been careful with spending as I am spreading my money thin til my next pay check. Budgeting sucks my ass.

Holy Soft Porn Batman!

I went to see Monster's Ball last night. I had been looking forward to it as the idea of Halle Berry and Billy Bob in love under reacial tension in the south sounded semi interesting. Well it was sorta ok. The plot had way too much unbelievable drama. One thing after another kept happening and it was just too overwhelming to the point where sad things began to be funny. There is a huge scene with major nudity that lasts forever and was almost like an I-am-too-embarrassed-and-should-cover-my-eyes-because-there-are-too-many-old-people-around-me-who-look-like-my parents-and-I-am-watching-porn. Anyhow, the film just left me feelig nothing afterward. Yes it held my attention but Billy Bob did a complete 180 rather unexpectedly and the film lacked character development. I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to feel leaving. Just dissapointed.

Sometimes

Sometimes sunshine

Does not want to shine on me

And sometimes I find myself blind

At first I cannot see and then I see it's me
~No Doubt

Popcorn sissies

ryn_32: what do u like about that place?
lilgirllost9: saratoga?
ryn_32: yea
lilgirllost9: i dunno its not as crowded as the mercado 20
lilgirllost9: and its nice
lilgirllost9: and it gets crowded but parking is still findable usually
ryn_32: u dont like those older style theatres?
lilgirllost9: and u get to butter your own popcorn!!!!!
lilgirllost9: i do.....the centuries are cool.......very big and impressive
ryn_32: lol is buttering your own popcorn important to u?
lilgirllost9: but i like the big comfy chairs
lilgirllost9: very much so
lilgirllost9: it is a very essential factor in enjoyable movie watching
lilgirllost9: the amount of butter can make or break a movie
ryn_32: but how can u get the right amounto f butter
ryn_32: wouldnt u rather trust the judgement of professionals?
ryn_32: then to accidentally over/under butter?
lilgirllost9: its a complicated process that you wouldn't understand
lilgirllost9: the choice amount for me is carefully measured out, factoring in shakes to get the butter spread equally to each piece on the bottom of the bag
ryn_32: i see
ryn_32: how many shakes does it take?
lilgirllost9: mmmm...popcorn....
ryn_32: for the buter to reach the bottom
lilgirllost9: usually 3 shakes per small squirt of artificial butter flavored topping
lilgirllost9: multiplied by about 10 equaling around 30 small shakes and the loss of about 20 kernals that spill out in this delicate process
ryn_32: im no professional, but i do pay attention. ive noticed that people tend to squirt down the side..is that a more effective way?
ryn_32: what about salt?
lilgirllost9: you know, i dont actually use that method so i have no comment
lilgirllost9: salt is for sissys
ryn_32: do we use salt as well?
ryn_32: lol
ryn_32: i use salt
lilgirllost9: case in point
ryn_32: in fact, i prefer salt over butter
lilgirllost9: you are digging yourself a hole

Poor guy, what a mockery

Hours of endless fun watching Bush follow his nose.
Play with Bush here

Back in the day...

Mash would help pass many a bored hour on buses and recess. The online version is almost as fun, minus the resulting ews, ohs and ahs and squeals of 10 yr old girls....

Your husband's name is ryan and you have 3 children. You're an environmentalist who drives to work every day in a orange vw bug.

It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with ryan in your mansion in los angelos.

Come and play, you know you want to.
Link snagged from The Olive.

Tee Hee

Mr T has always been one of my heroes. I looked up to him when I was a wee lassie and he wore all that bling bling. He is now reinstated as my hero because he kicks Aguilera's ass. But how could he side with Britney? Gasp! Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize they are both trampy bimbos. Oops I said it again. I pity the fool who likes girly pop. NSync is a different story however. We won't go there today though...
Mr T Vs. Christina Aguilera
And as if that isn't good enough. For all those weird people out there (you know who you are.) This is everything you have been wanting to know...or at least something sorta funny in a really stupid way.
Dolphin Sex

Adventures in Pervoland

Ericsf1057: hi there
VenusApollo: hi?
Ericsf1057: i added u to my buddylist
Ericsf1057: nice pics by the way
VenusApollo: o ok
VenusApollo: thanks?
VenusApollo: u have one?
Ericsf1057: yeah
Ericsf1057: hold on
Ericsf1057: cant find it
Ericsf1057: do u have anymore?
VenusApollo: nope
Ericsf1057: r u seeing anyone now?
VenusApollo: sorta...not really...i dont know
Ericsf1057: cool
Ericsf1057: ever meet someone from online?
VenusApollo: yah
Ericsf1057: as friends? or to date
VenusApollo: BOTH
Ericsf1057: ever meet someone just to fool around
VenusApollo: NICE TRY
Ericsf1057: denied
Ericsf1057: u still want my pic?
VenusApollo: well seeing as u are a guy who just wants sex
VenusApollo: chances are not likely that i care
Ericsf1057: all guys just want sex...
VenusApollo: it isnt like i dont get hit on for sex about 20 times a day on the net
Ericsf1057: if they dont come out and say it..they are lying
Ericsf1057: u do?
VenusApollo: apparently u are a stupid pervert too
Ericsf1057: do u like phone sex?
VenusApollo: o yes......please call me....i can hardly wait
Ericsf1057: whats your number
VenusApollo: ugh
VenusApollo: i know for a fact not all men are brainless
Ericsf1057: ok let me ask u something
Ericsf1057: whats the oldest u would go out with
VenusApollo: its not u so dont worry about it
Ericsf1057: comeon
Ericsf1057: give me another chance
VenusApollo: are u dense
VenusApollo: i look for friends first
VenusApollo: not sex
Ericsf1057: ok another angle
VenusApollo: apparantly u are older but none the wiser
Ericsf1057: how bout i pay u
VenusApollo: ew have u no shame
VenusApollo: im not poor and im not stupid and im not desperate
Ericsf1057: your feisty..i like that
Ericsf1057: i bet you like it rough and hard
VenusApollo: u better start thinking about the last 2
Ericsf1057: ?
VenusApollo: the last two things i mentioned...
Ericsf1057: why
VenusApollo: cuz u sound pretty stupid and desperate


benjamin_pub: And we can play at work no ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Really... you don't want to try ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: really ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Try it ... you are alone in the room ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: what are you dressing ???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: Tell me just what you are dressing ????
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: why???
lilgirllost9: no
benjamin_pub: OK... You aren't a stupide girl ???
lilgirllost9: no
lilgirllost9: just seeing how stupid u are and how long u will keep asking
me stuff

Freedom of Speech

In an effort to keep the ability to speak your mind around...
You can add this to your site. I snagged it from Brandy. I do feel its important to be able to write about what you want and not get in trouble for it...I am hearing more and more stories of people who are being fired or threatened, various different things... and I would hope that it doesn't come to the point where our freedoms online are taken away.
To add the easy way: http://www.platinumcomplication.com/carolyn/silence.jpg

OMG

I would just like to take a second to remind myself and others of the band Belly. I totally forgot how much I loved both their cds. Well....I had them on tape and had since forgotten how much I love them. Tonya Donnelly has since moved on but I still cling to her roots and awesome little early 90s band. So I will be running by Rasputins today to indulge myself in the huge selection of used stuff. After all its the weekend right? I deserve a little self-spoiling since I lack someone to spoil me. Ok no pity party today sorry.

Unheard, Ubsurd

So there is a guy at my work who is listed in the address book and in our phone directory by his first name only. And I just found out he has no last name. Rumor is that he moved here from another country and didn't want to make up a last name so he just stuck with his first name. My friend just went over and asked him and he confirmed. I didn't know this was possible. Weird. Aren't there certain things that require first and last name for application or ordering or just mailing? I am so blown away.

Yay!

Tonight I am going to see the remake of Fritz Lang's Metropolis. It is a Japanese animation Metropolis with subtitles and I am so so so excited. We might also try to catch Monster's Ball which is looking to be a really good film as well. My one hesitation is that Puffy or P Diddy Combs is in it. This may be my new substitute for Snoop Dogg humor. I am very curious about Lantana too. And I am not ashamed to admit I really want to see I Am Sam, being that the preview has made me cry everytime I see it. I think it is more a family related touching personal type thingy for me. Not because of the mental issues, just the simple basic family ones. Parent and child conflicts and love. So yah I am a sappy sucker.

And in music news...
I just bought tickets to see Nikka Costa this Thursday at a small venue that I really like. 13 bucks!
I am also trying to find a partner in crime to go see Nelly Furtado and Citizen Cope the day after Valentine's. So far I can't find anyone interested or free. Citizen Cope opened for Ben Folds a few months ago and I am excited his album comes out this Tuesday finally. I also just found out he has the same producer as Tribe Called Quest and Erykah Badu. I am just adoring his lyrics and sound right now. And......it is Friday! Yay!

One of the bestest movies ever

How could I resist?

Apparently it can

I am the only one on my account today as everyone else is recovering from surgery, freshly quit or gone home early for the day, and the phone is ringing off the hook. I have no clue what is going on as I feel drugged and feverish and I just got a 10 min lecture from my mom who likes to call me at work and tell me how to be healthy. At the same time my dad is on the other phone talking to me while my mom is talking saying something to the extent of "Ha ha I told you so. You shoulda taken all the medicine from the doctor." Granted I can not hear very well since my head is all numb and throbby and my hearing is at half its capacity. My throat has that boogery crap in it and I keep gagging and thinking I am gonna throw up. The sore throat stuff I bought tastes like acid and makes me more sick and falsely advertises its soothing bullshit promise of "relief for up to 6 hours." I still can not log into AIM and I could not schedule a doctor appt for today as I am assuming that the 20 minutes I was on hold while "operators were assisting other patients" all the appts were sucked up by less sick, less angst filled people who can not possibly feel as bad as I do. I am not really looking forward to the doctor tomorrow as the medicine they give me makes me get a female infection which is almost twice as worse as I am feeling now. This is modern technology and medicinal remedies people. Is this making any sense? Oh yes, I AM a whiner. How did you ever guess? Bitter? Yes that is me too. I swear I am part of some comedy show that the gods watch along the lines of "The Pathetic Little People and How We Love to Torture Them." This IS my life. Please do not laugh. It is the only one I have.

Oh could it get any better

So I like to chat on yahoo and aim at work. My job is boring and it is a good way to pass time. The drama ensues as so: I talk to friends. One friend thinks things are funny when they aren't. Said friend decided to warn me for fun. Yesterday he got it up to 100%......with no retaliation since I'm not as immature. I could not log in or send and receive messages. By today it was down to 60% and was getting better. He warned me again, after promising he wouldn't. He then switched names and did it again. I am now back up in the 90-100 range and can't log in or waste time at work chatting. So let's see...I am slightly mad. Do I have good reason?

Put me out of my misery

I am sick. AGAIN. I feel all sheepish because I was warned about 2 weeks ago that if I didn't take all 10 days of meds that the super buffed germs would survive and come back and eat me alive. Something like that. I think my neck has completely dissapeard because my throat is so swollen...I want my mum...and tomato soup and someone to read to me, oh yah and to not be at work wishing someone would hit me upside the head to distract from my nonability to swallow.

For one fleeting moment

This morning as I drove to work like I normally do, the sun was shining despite the chill in the air and the faint puffs of fog streaming from the exhaust of people trying to get to work on time. The road was neither clear nor crowded and things were flowing at an acceptable pace. The warmth beaming in gave a nice contrast to my freezing gloved hands. I had Orbital's Halcyon & On & On from the Hacker's soundtrack playing. I was mellow and felt harmonized in some unreachable place. Everything seemed ok. I smiled all the way to work and it just seemed that the day was ominous and promising. I have fallen in love with my morning drive to work as it is the most positive point in my day. And then I get to work and everything sorta tumbles downhill. I think I should just drive around in the morning and get paid for being an ecstatic, glowing, naive moron.

Aw yeah

I AM giddy like a school girl. Could you BE anymore jealous...or curious maybe? Please be curious? Pretty please?

Like you wanted to know

There are certain things I am learning over time as I live on my own. One of the main ones is never ever ever, no matter how tempting, leave oatmeal or egg on a dish for more than 5 seconds after eating. You will end up spending at least 10-30 minutes trying to scour it off otherwise. Yuck.

I am THAT special

I am now an official member of Make Out Club. I was accepted on my first try and I have yet to figure out why this club is cool. But I am sure it is for some reason.

Oy vey

So I have been very busy between the crackdown at work on productivity and the stress of apartment hunting. My best friend and I are going to move together very soon as she can't tolerate her roommates and I think I might be a little better off too in a newer nicer cheaper place. Whoo hoo. So by noon today I should know if I will be living in a bombass place or not. It is semi, well mostly dependent on my friend's credit. I am an upstanding citizen with a perfect record of course. Something like that. Anywho keep your fingers crossed. Within 3 and a half hours...I'd show you all a nice little pic of the apartment place but knowing my luck with stalkers I'll refrain unless you beg.....begging is always amusing.

Update Didn't get the place I want...o well....back to the drawing board.

Scary Man in Tights

And he says he is looking for a woman...namely tinkerbell...this guy has serious issues...any man who makes clothes like that for everyday wear should not pass go or collect 200 dollars, he should just check himself in.

Link from The Dane

Creepiest Dating Service Ever

Wouldn't you be scared?

What would Freud say

Strange dreaming happened last night. Considering that I rarely remember my dreams or know that I even have them, this is a special treat.

I am in an amusement park and it is dusk. The sun is setting and on the crisp breeze lingers the scent of clean air and autumn leaves. As I walk through the park with a nameless, faceless friend I approach a small wrought iron gate that leads into another section of the park. Coming toward me are a bunch of seeing eye dogs, each with a person in tow. Somehow I suddenly end up elsewhere instantly. I am away from the noise of the tourist crowds on a semi grassy hill with an old run down fence bordering. The blurry friend is sitting near the bottom of the hill humming, while for some reason I am acting like a 5 yr old on an adventure, bouncing all over the hill, exploring excitedly the otherwise boring leaves and grass. All of the sudden I look up and am face to face with a blind boy who for some reason is dogless. I stare into his eyes, realizing he can't stare back but telling by the pause in his breath he knows I am there. He is about my age in the dream (early 20s) and is a rather good looking asian american boy. I turn quickly to run back down to my friend, having been somewhat startled and unsure of how to react. He immediately begins yelling after me to wait and proceeds to follow me from the sounds of feet rustling over leaves. For some reason I sense that I am slightly thrilled and excited by the presence of this boy. The chasing proceeds but has no real result.

Off to an old fashioned house with hard wood floors and stained glass windows. The smell is somewhat musty, mingled with scents of old english furniture polish. There is a slight draft floating around. There is a family here with 2 young girls and 1 boy and the older brother who I am apparantly visiting. The mother is in the living room watching televisionHe has blondish hair and a scraggly goatee. His boyish looks and crooked smile are what draws me in. The boy is no one I recognize from real life but yet there is an unspoken relationship that has just begun as the electricity between us is present. The younger siblings are taunting and trying to follow us as he grabs my hand and dashes up the steep stairs with me. We hide behind a large tapestry in a doorway as we see inquisitive feet scurry by. We are out of breath and nervous at this new found privacy and closeness. We both share a moment where it seems are lips are going to attract each other like magnets but it passes as feet and voices run by again in search for us. Once seeing that we are safe he flicks on an old chandelier to reveal a enormous four poster bed with unlimited quilts and down comforters. He grabs my hand and we trod over to be swallowed up by the covers. We lie untouching with blankets up to our chins and watch TV until I wake up from dream land.

THUNK!

What was that? Oh my goodness! That was the sound of me falling off the face of the earth.

Little help

What is that song in Royal Tennenbaums....it is in the trailor and in the movie..."well I'm on my way, don't know where...." Someone please...what is that? I need the song but I am not sure if it was even included on the soundtrack.

So much to say

And yet I don't know where to start...Brief overview

Lord of the Rings was an incredible movie and was even better the second time around

The Royal Tennenbaums was a decent movie but not an overall quality movie.

Christmas was very mellow and relaxing.

My parents spoiled me way too much and gave me stuff I didn't even know existed.

I am sick...still...for a week now...and I do not get paid for the holidays since I was sick beforehand...need new job...

I have a pathetic dependency problem especially when I am sick and it holiday time.

Bulimia is a very gross habit, as is stuffing your face beforehand and smoking like a chimney, and all these combined are not very attractive.

I can not find the new No Doubt album anywhere.

I look better with brown hair.

i can't stop crying and i hate that i am weak and why do i feel so alone im not going to be able to sleep and i dont want to end up depressed but im raining down buckets and my heart is sobbing and i dont want to be this miserable i know that it is just going to take time but my but my hands are frozen on quarter to empty locked into everlasting minutes of pain i am lacking the comforting i shouldnt need but want so badly right now

Wow wow wow

Vanilla Sky was such a good movie, not at all what I was expecting...so utterly impressed with it. I dare to say a total mind fuck for a good amount of time. I love movies that twist and turn and totally confuse you. Definately an excellent performance by Cruise and an annoyingly psycho Diaz. And how could you not think Cruz was just adorablely cute in the movie. I want to go see it again and definately buy it when it is out. Wow.

Gggrrrr

I have tickets for Lord of the Rings this thursday night and no one to go with! The person I was supposed to go with bailed on me and can't handle going. None of my girl friends want to go and all my guy friends are busy! This totally sucks....anyone in the bay area want to go with me? I even posted an ad on Craigslist. How sad. I thought EVERYONE wanted to see this movie...guess not...maybe its me? No, they all suck. And I'm sticking to that story.

Some things should be left alone

I do not in any way think that making fun of what happened is acceptable. Rotten has lost some respect today with posting this

Just in case anyone else wanted to spoil me

Or at least you can see what I have been drooling over lately. So lo and behold: Amber's Wishlist

After all, I am single during the holidays, and so bored and sad and lonely, and cold, with big puppy eyes and a quivering lip, and I have been wearing socks with holes in them and sleeping outside in the rain everynight, waking each morning iced over, with no hot water to take a shower, and these things would make me truly happy and put everything in its right place...I think I am going to send it to my dad to reinforce all the times he has called me his "special little leech."

The one with the annoying porn pop ups

You know how sometimes in chat or in a message window someone will try to get you to click porn? Well now I know where they come from. When I got home from work yesterday I tried to log on aol and it told me I had an invalid password, for both accounts. I went to call customer service but realized I needed my dad's billing info to verify. We are sneaky and run both accounts from 2 different houses. He said he would call customer service and straighten things out. My account had been sorta funny over the weekend; I was booted twice from aol getting a message saying that someone was logging on as my screen name somewhere else. I figured maybe my dad clicked the wrong name.

So my dad finally calls me back and says I was doing illegal things under aol's terms. He said I was in Lesbian 50s and over chat advertising porn sites. Wait! What?????? And suddenly it clicked. On saturday morning I got a message from someone I didn't know saying I had an insta-hug which is a legitimate thing aol has. I clicked it and put in my name and password on what looked to be an aol site. Someone must have captured my password and had been logging on as me. So my dad believes that I am not a freak, which in this case at least is true. Damn aol and the damn stupid users who are sick puppies and steal other names to do their dirty work. What a scam. And I never realized that its quite possible all those dirty messages and dirty emails and dirty chat invitations are all stolen screen names. So disheartening...And this kind of drama tends to only happen to me...how lucky is that?

Just so I can be one of the cool kids

I have noticed the questions trend lately and I think it would be kind of fun to get some questions and then post them...so...being that I am not shy and have a sense of humor (A damn good one at that)(I think so at least)
Anyway...so send me some questions of any sort and amuse me why don't you.

Tis the season for me

Once again I have gone shopping and spent money on me. However, I did get my mom's present out of the way. So some good came of it. This is how bad I am. Sunday I bought...

At Ross
1. Purple sweater $9.99
2. Plaid shiny skirt $5.99
3. Tommy Hilfiger Bra $9.99

At Sock shop
1. Cow toe socks with udders and black and white spots $7.50
2. Pink knee highs $7.50
3. Vegas print knee high trouser type socks $8.50

At Longs
1. Rose scented asian type soap $.49

At Victoria Secret
1. 6 lotions/body spray/bath gel which were 6 for $30...3 for me, 3 for mom
2. Satin nightshirt for mom $30

At Hot Topic
1. Weezer sweatshirt $42.00
2. Goonies T-shirt $19.00
3. Truffle shuffle Chunk sticker $1.99
4. One time at band camp sticker for car since everyone says I remind them of her (That's bad huh?) $1.99

I should not be allowed outside anymore. I should do all my other shopping selflessly online for other people, buying nothing for me.

What makes all this worse is that I am already spoiled. My dad brought me a 25" TV on Friday, which is part of my Christmas present. He also brought me a cute tea cart for my kitchen to keep snacks in. And I go off and buy myself crap I didn't need...Don't judge me ok? I am dealing with my addictions by finding new ones.

It's me! It's me!

Just in case you were wondering what the exact epitomy of Super Dork is, that would be me. Cape and all. Full explanations to proceed when I am not delerious. Off to bed with thee Super Dork!Maybe Super Dorkette? Am I utterly hopeless?

Early bird gets messed up

My normal work morning starts around 6:15 with a shower, followed by unnecessary dawdling and girly procedures, gearing up for work to start at 8. Sometimes, due to doctor appts, trips, or other random plans that come up early in the day, I decide to come into work at 6 so I can get off 2 hours early and still get paid for 8 hours. This means getting up at 4:15. (shudder) So today is one of those early days for me. My dad is driving up from the Yosemite area they live by now to visit with me.

As much as I am excited to see him due to recent homesickyness, this does not relate in any way to me functioning with even half my brain capacity this morning. As I finished my shower this morning I decided to do a quick underarm shave, yet instead decided to shampoo my hair with the shaving cream. Luckily I did not proceed with the razor. I also managed to stare in a stupor at the lightswitches in the hallway, trying to figure out why when I hit it there was no light. It took me a good minute to realize I had turned on the patio light and not the living room light. As boring as this account is, it gets worse. On my short 10 minute drive to work, I turned the heater on, wondering why it was taking so long to warm up, finally realizing that A/C does not in fact stand for heat.

I am tempted to drink Mountain Dew to help me wake up, being that coffee lately makes my tummy irritated and does non-wonders to what my doctor has described as a lumpy problem anyway...sure go ahead ruin my self esteem doctor lady. I am trying to make it through one more hour decaffeinated while the urge grows stronger...I know I am going to need it for my late night tonight though and I don't want to OD on caffeine all day. It isn't even 7 yet....Sigh...

Things I giggle about

Things mis-said at work can be very funny. These 3 are the most memorable for some reason...

"How do you smell that?" (Question asked of a customer calling in after we had been talking about flatulence prior to the call)

"It's not our fart." (Talking about the chain of command and how things don't go well and management blames it on a one time glitch over and over.)

"Everywhere you go you take your pantses." (Conversation about dating and the risks involved. I was expecting to hear "off" at the end since we briefly mentioned intimate relationships with bar/club strangers.)

My name is Amber, and I am an addict

The internet has been down all morning at work, almost 4 and a half hours with no messenger, games or websurfing. I am not quite sure how I survived. I tried to do some work but made several futile attempts, played a few rounds of real chess with a co-worker, talked about disney trivia and some embarrassing grade school things. All in all I nearly lost all forms of sanity. It got to the point where said co-worker and I were emailing each other lame little comments, like school girls passing notes and giggling hysterically. I tell you people, it was not a pretty sight. Thank god that we are now connected and I can breathe easily.

Strange me phenomena

Two weird things must have happened last night and neither is explainable, although both together could make for interesting assumptions...

First off, I woke up with no shirt on...this has happened 4 nights in a row now...I don't remember waking up to take it off, yet somehow it is gone in the morning. And secondly I woke up really sore this morning. My arms and legs were achy, as if I had worked out hard the day before, which is not the case. I have not been having sexual dreams (that I can remember at least) and am at a loss for what is going on. As much as it would be romantic...or creepy to think, no one is sneaking in and ravaging me, seeing as I lock my door each night and wake to find it securely locked each morning. Do I have a dream boyfriend I have yet to remember? He must not be very good if I forget that easily.

Appropriately titled "Thinning the Herd"

A man inadvertently shot and killed his 23-year-old son on a hunting trip while the son hid behind a log, holding up a dead squirrel and making barking sounds (even after the son had been warned by the family many times to cut out the pranks) (Galien, Mich., September). And a 25-year-old man who had parked on railroad tracks to scare his girlfriend and then chased after her on foot was killed when he ran back to the car to move it (after hearing a horn) and was crushed by a passing train (Houston, July). And a 19-year-old college student was killed when he slid down a library chute that he thought was for books but which was a garbage chute dumping straight into a compactor (Sewanee, Tenn., October). [Gary Post-Tribune, 9-26-01] [Houston Chronicle, 7-25-01] [The Tennessean, 10-12-01]

This and more at News of the Weird

Open the Floodgates

So I was recently talking about some Christian issues that I was not completely informed on...and now have another tangent on my mind. Let me state for the record I do believe that Jesus is the savior and died for our sins. I do believe in heaven. I don't believe in Hell. I do believe there are many contradictions among religions (duh). I would like to believe in something identical to the scenario in What Dreams May Come. The religious explanations and ideas in this movie couldn't be more perfect for me. However, I do believe in evolution. So being that I do not have a strong religious background I am curious how more devout Christians explain it, or differ in beliefs...or don't believe in it at all...

Productivity

Is it just my work, or does every office have pointless meetings in which the person in charge rambles on about the same thing, saying it 10 different ways, wasting my time and everyone elses, leaving us knowing nothing different from when we went in? My friend and I tried to pass the word to other employees to play the silent game and don't ask questions in an effort to cut things short, but somehow they don't listen. How much are those people in charge getting paid again?

Bleh returns

So I bought this cute little designer phone/answering machine all in one doohickey from Target about 2 months ago. For a week now, the answering machine has been working but the phone hasn't. Everytime I pick up the phone from the cradle to make a call or take one, it goes to a high pitched static within a minute and shuts off. At first I thought it was the phone line, but that can't be since the internet runs through the line and is ok. And then I thought the phone was plugged in loosely and wasn't charging but that isn't the case either. So today I get to call the support number to talk to someone since it says, "STOP! Do not return this to the store. Please call customer support for help." If you have ever had to call a support number or service number, I am sure you are wincing as I am in memory of the wait time and frustration, but due to new efforts to reduce whining, I am going to assume this call will be pleasant and helpful. Let me go laugh deliriously now.

It isn't dandruff

One of my co-workers thought it would be jolly good fun to dump fake snow in my hair, as I sat innocently, for once minding my own business and not provoking anyone. These are seriously big flakes and have decided to cling to my hair no matter how hard I try to get them out. I am not laughing people. I am somehow reminded of my high school and junior high days when everyone would bring shaving cream, whip cream and silly string and attack any person within range. I keep saying that we actually do work here...but I am going to give up on insisting soon.

So that's what is wrong with me

Contradicting coffee

Yay for Monday for once

So now that I am single I actually look forward to work. That slightly scares me. I just had a slightly lonely weekend and did a lot of thinking about who I want to be although I am not sure if I should be wanting to be something different than what I am. Granted I need to go back to school and figure out which career I want to pursue, and I want to go back to kickboxing and get in shape, keeping busy would be a good thing right now. I want to read and write more for myself; I feel I am out of practice at academic related things that I used to take pleasure in. I guess I am more self-conscious about my levels of complaining and my listening skills. I am feeling slightly selfish lately for numerous reasons. Maybe I just need the right person to bring out the better sides of me. That is a good idea. Make it someone elses responsibility. Whoo hoo...I'm crafty.

It's pretty bad when you don't even know why you are crying and it's friday night and you are alone and you are tired but you can't sleep and there are a million things you could be doing but all you want is for someone to hold you and tell you its ok because the world just seems like such a sad place right now. Everyone has their someone and everyone is happy and I used to be and I lost whatever it was that made me happy and now this feeling has washed over me, pulling me under, dragging me down to the depths of something I don't understand, something thinly walking the line of depression, teetering and taunting me. I know I have people to count on but my sense of counting spirit is gone and I am even more upset that I have to reach out to someone to grab their hand and force them to reach for me and the only phone call I have gotten tonight is from the one person I can't count on anymore and everyone else I have called seems to be off, wrapped up in life, while I watch, frozen in a Twilight Zone episode as things move around me and I stand still, invisible to living. I forgot to write down the instructions and in a flood of tears I washed away what I knew, leaving myself no way to remember where the control lies. I am hoping that when my head hits the pillow I'll fall into sleep and forget who I am, and that I am sad and maybe it is just my lack of sleep that is making me the trembling wreck that I am. I'm sick of myself, calling with my soul dripping out of me, heaving my problems onto other people as they turn away, drained, my emotions' current sweeping them away, driving them farther away and if I buy the fake smile in the window I can attract them, make them want me around, my feelings cloaked by the guise of the "I'm good" answer. And I am done bleeding, having poured out everything, I am dry, grasping a small piece of relief which I try to stretch and wrap around myself to keep warm, to keep going, to get up tomorrow with a better attitude. My face feels salty but my storm has receeded and passed over for now in hopes that sunshine will find me in a better disposition in the morning.

Toe-may-to, Toe-motto

So I have become addicted to Caramel Apple Cider from the corporate nightmare that is Starbucks. Not only does Fairuza Balk, or rather her exact look and speak a like work there, but I have noticed a weird phenomenon. Most people say carmel. So is it supposed to be cara-mel? or car-mul? According to this guy you say it like this. But I don't. That's all for now.

If I were a work of art, I would be Vincent Van Gogh's The Starry Night. I am a tiny village at peace while overhead rages the tumult of the heavens. Objects whirl and flash around me in a fevered haze only partially reflected in reality while I remain grounded and secure in my isolation. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Selfish little me

I went to the mall to buy presents for my friends and small circle of friends last night. I was dreading the crowds but surprisingly, considering a packed parking lot, the mall was pretty quiet inside. I want to get my parents a DVD player and scare them with the horrors and complications and wonderment of technology, but I think due to recent unexpected bills I can't really afford it. I thought maybe something nice for their new house would be appropriate, but I was stuck on ideas. The same with friends.

So I bought things for myself because that seemed easier. I got a black shirt and some fuzzy knee highs from The Gap and some apple lotion. I am so selfless. It is just way too easy to find things I want when I am supposed to be shopping for other people. Isn't it?

More drama in roommate land

So as if my girl roommate dating a homeless guy isn't bad enough, my other roommate has taken to bugging the crap out of me. He normally locks me in the laundry room for a minute while he laughs on the other side and taunts me. This has happened a few times and I did it back for the first time monday, letting the door shut and then opening it back up within 5 seconds. Apparently this was grounds for him to be a big brat. I spent a lot of sunday crying and was in a very vulnerable mood on monday. I decided to run to the store monday night and offered to pick up something if he needed anything which he declined.

I left for about 20 minutes and when I got home he had stolen my driveway spot, moving his car deliberately from the street for no other reason than to be a jerk, considering we all cherish the driveway spot and first come first serve is the rule. He then saw me coming up the driveway with arms full of groceries, so he locked the front door. I had to put everything down and fumble for the keys. I was already upset and frustrated and not feeling good. I sarcastically said he was inconsiderate and went to my room. There was vaseline all over my doorknob. I burst into tears being the lame girl I am and was really upset. This was just a bad day. To top it off, as I went out to the kitchen to grab a bottled water, he made fun of me crying, making sniffling noises and saying boo hoo poor Amber. No apology or words relating to his bad timing and maybe he went too far. I was thinking of revenge but I really don't want to start a habit of childishness and let it get more out of control.

To top it off, I went out to the car Tuesday to find it covered in ice, and being as I wasn't in the driveway I couldn't hose it down. Napkins are not good ice removers.

I'd be so styling

Imagine how cool you would be around the office with one of these.

I need a band-aid

I am not feeling like a half, but I need to somehow make myself whole. I created this gaping wound in my heart and my hands just can't cover the pain. It was a mutual thing and for the best but it just hurts. How do you say goodbye to someone who has been your best friend, confidante, lover, the first person you call with good news or bad, the one who spent everyday with you in the hospital and helped you do things when you couldn't manage for yourself? It isn't really that anyone is to blame, it's just that we need to grow and make changes in our lives and being together was hindering that. I felt like I was mothering too much and he wanted that whole devotion and adoration of a high school relationship. I just can't be like that right now. I need my own space and life. I need to be able to see my friends and have some "me" time. I guess after almost a year I start thinking of the future. I am FAR from wanting to live with someone or "settle down" but it is nice to think that the relationship IS going somewhere.

My dad's favorite analogy is that of a lock and key. Each part needs to function and work on its own. When put together each one does its part to make the relationship work. Sometimes the key just doesn't fit the lock, or the lock is sticky and it just doesn't work smoothly. Regardless, I really do care for the boy and I am saddened it didn't work. I don't regret loving him and spending time with him. I have learned a lot of things about who I am and what I want. He has also helped me to grow in different ways, be more open-minded and active in thinking and analyzing the world around me. I am just hurting right now to have to let go. The right thing most times is not the easy thing. However I am smart enough to know you can't just stay with someone to avoid the pain of not being with them. And so begins the slow and tedious healing...