To help with the wallowing

The Top 8 (just because) songs that are not helping my mood

1. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me ~ The Smiths
2. All By Myself ~ Sheryl Crow
3. Only Time ~ Enya
4. Sometimes ~ No Doubt
5. Always Getting Over You ~ Angela Ammons
6. Sway ~ Bic Runga
7. Famous Blue Raincoat ~ Leonard Cohen
8. Trouble ~ Coldplay

Its like that, ya know?

I so feel like Bridget Jones sitting on the couch crying and singing All By Myself.

And so it goes, and you're the only one who knows

And now it is over...Somewhat rattled and sad...stronger in the end...and always...on my own

Mopey, dopey little me

I want someone to pick me up like a wet rag and ring me out. Help me rid myself of thinking, and lingering thoughts, paranoid assumptions...

The boy and I are seeing each other again. I am stressed. I just feel really sensitive and paranoid about how he feels for me. I am constantly upset lately over so many things in my life and this on top of it is really bothering me. It used to be that he was all lovey and into me and reassuring. He was my backbone and my support and I knew he was there for me and wanted to be there more than anything. And now I feel like it is a chore for him. He doesn't call as much and has admitted that things feel weird. He wasn't counting on getting back together and things are taking getting used to. I am only getting half of him. The negative comments and lack of reassurance that he does want to be around me are missing. I want him to work at things as much as I feel I have been lately. I know I can't change the fact that we took a break for awhile, but I can give effort now and I want to. I really do want things to work. And sometimes they seem like they are. But right now I keep getting this feeling that I am being set aside a bit. Maybe there are bitter feelings. Maybe there are scared feelings of giving and getting hurt again. But I can't make this work on my own. I need help. And right now I need someone, namely you, to hold my hand and be with me. All of you.

Oh baby

Look at monkey faced George Bush breaking a sweat. Work it baby, work it!

So sad

There is something utterly pathetic and pity worthy about eating yogurt with a plastic fork.

I'm so cool I impress myself

So I am not all done but I think I am slightly proud of myself for figuring a few things out and changing things around. Do we like? Someday I aspire to have a shortcake-a-riffic site that I design all on my own. But for now....that'll do Amber, that'll do.

So much to say

I went to San Fran saturday night and saw Rufus Wainwright. What an amazingly intimate show...I was so impressed. Not to mention his sister has an incredible voice and his little opener is quite the hottie and musician...Teddy Thompson or something like that. The best part was that the last song of the night, Rufus brought his mom up onstage and she played piano while he sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It was extremely touching.

In other unexciting news my heater make entirely too much noise and I have yet to stare at it blankly pretening I may be able to figure out what is wrong before giving up and admitting I have no clue. I just know that the loud cranking noise before it comes on wakes me up at least 2-3 times a night.

In the drama file we have the bitter old roommate calling my new house and leaving a message on my friends answering machine to cuss me out for no reason and calling me something to the extent of a f-ing c**t. I am proud of myself for not calling back. However my friend did and told him he is not allowed to call anymore or we will take legal action. I am assuming he is bitter that I prorated my last month and he had to pay 210....even though I payed from March 1st-21st at 490 bucks although I wasn't living there. On top of an $800 deposit and $700 rent at the new place. And he was trying to get me to pay the full month claiming someone would pay me back, then telling me no one was going to when I wanted it in writing. So the other day I dropped off my keys to the landlord since I was done there and he called because it was an inconvenience to drive 2 blocks to pick them up I guess. Oy vey.

Plea for help

I can't figure this riddle out. Help!
Monday and Tuesday have two, Wednesday and Thursday have one, Friday has six and Saturday and Sunday have none, what is it?"

Ok apparantly the wording is all messed up and this isn't a valid riddle.

Irony perhaps

You know, as much as I complained and whined about my job, I really wanted to make the decision to leave, not to be told I had to. We had an offer to move with the company to Boston and take a pay cut since cost of living is cheaper there...I laughed quite a bit. There is no way I would just pick up and leave California for this job of all jobs. Luckily the timing was good and bad. Yeah....I did just move into a new house and there are a lot of expenses right now, but I am getting my tax return back soon and my deposit from my last place. Plus I get 2 more full paychecks and severence, although we aren't betting on more than a hundred or so...hopefully it is more but from what I know of my company we are lucky to get any severence.

So I am curious as to how I am going to suffer through budgeting. I am not very good at saving money. I could pay rent and bills and appease my need for movies, food entertainment/shopping....and driving to cities like San Fran and Santa Cruz without worrying about gas. So now it is looking like I will be watching movies at home, eating ramen...or smack as we now call it....and not even renting movies but watching ones we have over and over and over.....

Now I know I worry too much and I may well find a job very soon and be financially ok. It is just finding a job that pays as well or better than what I have, *ahem* HAD...may be a little tricky at first. Everyone wants a degree, even if it is in underwater basket weaving, they will take that person over someone with a few years experience in the field. I have been on a lame procrastinating hiatus from school and I guess this is a huge motivation to go back and finish my degree. Or face the evil alternative...moving to Fresno near my begging me to come there parents and being miserable in a place where it is muggy, humid, 108 and boring...

The worst part about finding out we were closing down is that they called a Bagel meeting. Normally we have bagel meetings friday mornings with lots of *gasp* bagels and donuts. Well when they called this bagel meeting to tell us, there were no bagels...or donuts...what a rip off.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

My company site is closing next friday. They told us today. I am in shock and not looking forward to joining the unemployment ranks. Sigh...

Relief, sweet relief

I am all moved into my new place and I feel so much more relaxed and excited about my situation. My room is huge, bathroom is nice, kitchen and den are gorgeous and all moderny with this awesome hard wood floor and our family room is cozy. I am not a fan of moving since it is a lot of yucky work, but the end results are definately worth it.
I guess the landlord had the pipes changed under the bathroom sinks and they didn't put a bucket to catch the water...so my carpet in my room was and still is damp and stinky....and under my sink is still wet so I can't put things away. My room smells like wet cat. I can't wait to break out the candles and incense...or for it to dry out....that should work too.

In other news I went to Bimbo's in San Fran on saturday night with Maria and saw The Donnas. The show was awesome but even more awesome was giggling and making fun of people and just watching the shit go down around us. We had a table so we didn't have to stand and we could see over the crowd. The only complaint was the 6 ft tall, 100 lb praying mantis girl in front of us who kept standing up with her pencil thin body blocking our view and the sneaky chain smoker girl who had an out of control rebel addiction. We kept wondering why no one approached us or wanted to sit at our little table. The joke of the evening was that we needed to flash people to get attention. I guess you had to be there. Also the Donna who tells weird jokes...she sounds like Dino from Flintstones when she screams and tries to be weird. I liked her much better when she used her normal voice.

Again I think....

I don't remember where I first saw this but I had a craving today to watch it....and no thanks to Jeff or Guruvious who had no clue what I was talking about......I finally found the site again....Such a weird funny animation...
Psycho Kitties

If only I had a phaser...

I am moving this weekend. Praise the lord. I found a really nice 4 bedroom house less than 2 miles from my work with my best friend and her co-worker. We all have a similar lifestyles and habits and things are looking like they should be really good. Yes, we are both sorta nervous about our friendship but have agreed if something is bothersome we will do what we always do and talk about it before it blows up.

The roommates I am leaving, well one of them, is making my life hell. I gave my 30 days as soon as I found out. I am paying rent at the old place up until March 21st, even though I won't be living there after saturday. So I have shelled out 800 deposit and 700 rent at new place and now am shelling out 490 more instead of my normal 700. My roommate told me that since all the rent for the whole house is due March 1st that I should pay my normal 700 and the guy taking my place March 21st will pay me the 210 difference then. I approached my roommate the other day to say that I didn't feel comfortable with the arrangement (thinking to self I was gonna get screwed over) and that I really didn't want to do it this way especially without it in writing. He then told me the replacement isn't moving in until April 1st so no one is going to pay me back. So I told him I was paying the 490 I owe and he needed to figure the rest out. He then got pissed and argued with me saying I wasn't being responsible and I was fucking them over. I am not sure exactly why, by following all the rules on my side, and offering to come back at end of March and help out with March bills, he is so pissed but the last few days and the next few days are proving to be very tense and yucky...as in he got up at 6am for the first time in 6 months....to flush the toilet and burn me while I was in the shower...keep in mind he is 31 yrs old...

Oh and to continue with funny

So last night the boy and I were cuddling and it was all smooshy and cutesy and make you want to barf at the lovey doveys. We usually make dumb snugglebunny or cuddly wuddly references but last night was the funniest. So the boy says to me...
"You're my wittle snuggleslug. Let's get slimy." I think I almost peed my pants laughing.

On another related funny note. I have known the boy over a year...and I find out last night that he has a hedgehog in his garage. A real one. Conversation proceeding discovery:
Me: You serious? Why's your mom keep that out there?
Boy: I don't know; it just sits out there in its cage.
Me: Can you touch it?
Boy: Well he isn't really nice. In fact he is sorta mean.
Me: So it bites or what does it do when you pick it up?
Boy: Well his main way of attack is that when you reach in to pick him up he jumps up to scare you and get your hand.
Me: Really???
Boy: Yes really.
Me: So once you pick him up what does he do?
Boy: Well you have to wear gloves to touch him and he just curls up in his ball as his next defense mechanism.
Me: He stays curled up in a ball the whole time?
Boy: Pretty much, yah.
Me: So in other words he is pretty useless.
Boy: Yah, I guess.
Me: Man you shoulda got a guinea pig. They squeek.

Me? Slacker? No freakin way!

So Amber...what productive things have you been doing at work. Well let's see. For the last 4 hours I have been watching about 8 gabillion (cause that IS a word) hysterical clips from comedy central. You too can be a slacker....and laugh and laugh and not do any work...and get paid!

OOohh can I wait that long?

Oh my! Robin Williams, Edward Norton, Jon Stewart and Danny Devito. Yay for Death to Smoochy

Where's your head at?

Thanks to Nic I will be listening to Basement Jaxx all freaking day....so catchy though...

MMM chocolate.....chocolate....huh huh(Sloth)

Yah...Goonies...member.......anyway.....I have been so good lately.....going to kickboxing and eating better....and I have been munching on grapes all morning....so proud of myself.....but now I just membered I have easter chocolate in my drawer that I recently bought, which I may add is still unopened.....but it is calling to me....must.......resist........temptation......bad..
...for.......me........drooling......can't.....fight..........it..........