Baa-Baa

I feel rather sheepish...being as I am a girl and tend to stress needlessly over boy related things. So on Monday I dropped this boy off at the airport for a short fun Florida trip. He told me he would be back thursday at 10:30 and I offered to pick him up, so the plan was that he would call me to let me know if he wanted me to still pick him up or not. So I sat around last night figuring that he had to call me wednesday night because of the time difference and that his flight would be leaving early thurs morning. I even went as far as to argue in my head that the bars close at 2am which would be 11pm my time so I might get a late call from him. So no call. I got all stressed and whiny and pouty. I figured when he got in this morning I might get a call. He called a little while ago. He is still in Forida. His flight comes in at 10:30 tonight and he wants me to meet up with him and stay the night. All that freaking worrying and analyzing and stressing for nothing. I am officially a lame-o. It just seems totally unfair that girls are made like this and guys aren't. Girls sit around thinking about guys and getting all giddy and then disecting every word a guy says to her and what the hidden secret meanings are and when he said he wanted to hang out did he really mean he wanted to and when he said that I looked nice did he really mean my butt looked big and guys are basically thinking...mmm...beer.....

The same thing every time

Everytime I go to kickboxing I work up a pretty good sweat, so while I come home feeling all proud of myself and sore in a good way, I am rather the stinky girl. This is not a good thing when you are dragged by fellow kickboxing roommates out to dinner (shame after working off all those calories) or dragged grocery shopping or to get gas. So when I come home I am still in said stinky state. But the longer I wait before jumping in the shower the more I am able to jusify that the sweat is dry and not nearly as stinky and that sleeping is a better option and waiting to shower til morning. Then I get that feeling where it is like I can't sleep knowing I didn't brush my teeth and I start to feel guilty if I don't shower, that the stinky dried sweat will crawl off my body and contaminate my sheets for every night thereafter if I don't shower. This is a major dilemma. Also sweat makes me break out sometimes hence giving another reason to shower. It is just that after the shower I feel like someone injected me with caffeine and I am wide awake. Sigh...to be so lucky as to worry over the trivial....I am off to shower.

Running to stand still

On a busy city street, steam rising from sewers below, taste of something tainted on the breeze, cars whirring by, horns honking, lights flashing, people bustling, shouting, jostling shoulders impact my body, shoving, pushing, stumbling, cold biting wind picking up, squinting to deter dirt and dust, it is all I can do to remain stationary. Zoom out...a girl, standing still in solitary, eyes squeezed tightly shut, noises falling on deaf ears, trying not to wake up in a world that just keeps moving around her.

Too much tube

Ok so the other night I am almost positive I wasn't dreaming. There was a commercial for some restaurant/fast food with Kermit and Miss Piggy. And Miss Piggy said she wanted 3 bacon/sausage/slash pig product meals....and asked Kermie what he wanted. That is really disturbing to me that Miss Piggy is gonna scarf down on her relatives and someone deemed this a good ad campaign.

So wait...

Does anyone actually watch Battlebots? That show irritates me beyond belief. Comedy Central usually
has quality programs. This just seems like a waste though. I never liked remote control cars of trucks when I was little and the appeal of grown men beating up eachothers remote control creations just seems really lame-o.

And then there are the Pantene ads that air during every freaking commercial break. Like men who watch Battlebots actually want to wash their hair with girly pantene.I always used to mock advertising and their wasted attempts on trying to convince me to buy their products. And then I went to Target and scoured the shelves for Pantene. I will not however submit to MC Hammer's bad acting and pathetic loan company...
Guy: But why are you in my toolbox?
MC H: Cuz I'm the Hammer baby!

The worst part was when they closed their eyes

Saw About A Boy yesterday....what a great flick...the giggle factor was through the roof. I can't help it. I am the biggest sucker for Hugh Grant and his silly weird facial expressions. I think I am also a very sappy girl who likes stories about people changing and opening up and all that cheesy stuff. Plus being the nice gal I am I always feel bad for the nerdy misfit characters and get all excited when they come into their own and are still dorky but in a cool way. Not that I was ever uncool. But I can see how it might be if someone was....yah....

Ok enough of that

Here I am. Unemployed and relaxing and strangely satisfied with myself...been doing a lot of me things and spending me time with who else but me.
Although I do feel rather boring since there aren't that many exciting things going on in my life. I have memorized all the daytime programming....If that isn't an accomplishment I don't know what is.

To help with the wallowing

The Top 8 (just because) songs that are not helping my mood

1. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me ~ The Smiths
2. All By Myself ~ Sheryl Crow
3. Only Time ~ Enya
4. Sometimes ~ No Doubt
5. Always Getting Over You ~ Angela Ammons
6. Sway ~ Bic Runga
7. Famous Blue Raincoat ~ Leonard Cohen
8. Trouble ~ Coldplay

Its like that, ya know?

I so feel like Bridget Jones sitting on the couch crying and singing All By Myself.

And so it goes, and you're the only one who knows

And now it is over...Somewhat rattled and sad...stronger in the end...and always...on my own

Mopey, dopey little me

I want someone to pick me up like a wet rag and ring me out. Help me rid myself of thinking, and lingering thoughts, paranoid assumptions...

The boy and I are seeing each other again. I am stressed. I just feel really sensitive and paranoid about how he feels for me. I am constantly upset lately over so many things in my life and this on top of it is really bothering me. It used to be that he was all lovey and into me and reassuring. He was my backbone and my support and I knew he was there for me and wanted to be there more than anything. And now I feel like it is a chore for him. He doesn't call as much and has admitted that things feel weird. He wasn't counting on getting back together and things are taking getting used to. I am only getting half of him. The negative comments and lack of reassurance that he does want to be around me are missing. I want him to work at things as much as I feel I have been lately. I know I can't change the fact that we took a break for awhile, but I can give effort now and I want to. I really do want things to work. And sometimes they seem like they are. But right now I keep getting this feeling that I am being set aside a bit. Maybe there are bitter feelings. Maybe there are scared feelings of giving and getting hurt again. But I can't make this work on my own. I need help. And right now I need someone, namely you, to hold my hand and be with me. All of you.

Oh baby

Look at monkey faced George Bush breaking a sweat. Work it baby, work it!

So sad

There is something utterly pathetic and pity worthy about eating yogurt with a plastic fork.

I'm so cool I impress myself

So I am not all done but I think I am slightly proud of myself for figuring a few things out and changing things around. Do we like? Someday I aspire to have a shortcake-a-riffic site that I design all on my own. But for now....that'll do Amber, that'll do.

So much to say

I went to San Fran saturday night and saw Rufus Wainwright. What an amazingly intimate show...I was so impressed. Not to mention his sister has an incredible voice and his little opener is quite the hottie and musician...Teddy Thompson or something like that. The best part was that the last song of the night, Rufus brought his mom up onstage and she played piano while he sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It was extremely touching.

In other unexciting news my heater make entirely too much noise and I have yet to stare at it blankly pretening I may be able to figure out what is wrong before giving up and admitting I have no clue. I just know that the loud cranking noise before it comes on wakes me up at least 2-3 times a night.

In the drama file we have the bitter old roommate calling my new house and leaving a message on my friends answering machine to cuss me out for no reason and calling me something to the extent of a f-ing c**t. I am proud of myself for not calling back. However my friend did and told him he is not allowed to call anymore or we will take legal action. I am assuming he is bitter that I prorated my last month and he had to pay 210....even though I payed from March 1st-21st at 490 bucks although I wasn't living there. On top of an $800 deposit and $700 rent at the new place. And he was trying to get me to pay the full month claiming someone would pay me back, then telling me no one was going to when I wanted it in writing. So the other day I dropped off my keys to the landlord since I was done there and he called because it was an inconvenience to drive 2 blocks to pick them up I guess. Oy vey.

Plea for help

I can't figure this riddle out. Help!
Monday and Tuesday have two, Wednesday and Thursday have one, Friday has six and Saturday and Sunday have none, what is it?"

Ok apparantly the wording is all messed up and this isn't a valid riddle.

Irony perhaps

You know, as much as I complained and whined about my job, I really wanted to make the decision to leave, not to be told I had to. We had an offer to move with the company to Boston and take a pay cut since cost of living is cheaper there...I laughed quite a bit. There is no way I would just pick up and leave California for this job of all jobs. Luckily the timing was good and bad. Yeah....I did just move into a new house and there are a lot of expenses right now, but I am getting my tax return back soon and my deposit from my last place. Plus I get 2 more full paychecks and severence, although we aren't betting on more than a hundred or so...hopefully it is more but from what I know of my company we are lucky to get any severence.

So I am curious as to how I am going to suffer through budgeting. I am not very good at saving money. I could pay rent and bills and appease my need for movies, food entertainment/shopping....and driving to cities like San Fran and Santa Cruz without worrying about gas. So now it is looking like I will be watching movies at home, eating ramen...or smack as we now call it....and not even renting movies but watching ones we have over and over and over.....

Now I know I worry too much and I may well find a job very soon and be financially ok. It is just finding a job that pays as well or better than what I have, *ahem* HAD...may be a little tricky at first. Everyone wants a degree, even if it is in underwater basket weaving, they will take that person over someone with a few years experience in the field. I have been on a lame procrastinating hiatus from school and I guess this is a huge motivation to go back and finish my degree. Or face the evil alternative...moving to Fresno near my begging me to come there parents and being miserable in a place where it is muggy, humid, 108 and boring...

The worst part about finding out we were closing down is that they called a Bagel meeting. Normally we have bagel meetings friday mornings with lots of *gasp* bagels and donuts. Well when they called this bagel meeting to tell us, there were no bagels...or donuts...what a rip off.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

My company site is closing next friday. They told us today. I am in shock and not looking forward to joining the unemployment ranks. Sigh...

Relief, sweet relief

I am all moved into my new place and I feel so much more relaxed and excited about my situation. My room is huge, bathroom is nice, kitchen and den are gorgeous and all moderny with this awesome hard wood floor and our family room is cozy. I am not a fan of moving since it is a lot of yucky work, but the end results are definately worth it.
I guess the landlord had the pipes changed under the bathroom sinks and they didn't put a bucket to catch the water...so my carpet in my room was and still is damp and stinky....and under my sink is still wet so I can't put things away. My room smells like wet cat. I can't wait to break out the candles and incense...or for it to dry out....that should work too.

In other news I went to Bimbo's in San Fran on saturday night with Maria and saw The Donnas. The show was awesome but even more awesome was giggling and making fun of people and just watching the shit go down around us. We had a table so we didn't have to stand and we could see over the crowd. The only complaint was the 6 ft tall, 100 lb praying mantis girl in front of us who kept standing up with her pencil thin body blocking our view and the sneaky chain smoker girl who had an out of control rebel addiction. We kept wondering why no one approached us or wanted to sit at our little table. The joke of the evening was that we needed to flash people to get attention. I guess you had to be there. Also the Donna who tells weird jokes...she sounds like Dino from Flintstones when she screams and tries to be weird. I liked her much better when she used her normal voice.